My Weekend

I spent the weekend with my folks.

It was rather uneventful because my Mom has an awful cold

and I am just too tired to do anything.

I spent alot of my awake time thinking too much and my asleep time dreaming.

They were dreams both good and bad.

When I woke up I was depressed and sad.

Sad that the good dreams were just that, dreams.

 Sad that the bad dreams were about what is currently real.

It's been a month since I was given my 3 month working notice.

January has gone by so fast and I've tried to block it out during the week

 so I can still function and do my job but March 31st approaches fast.

It's almost made me dread weekends knowing that I have to think about

something that will be life altering no matter the outcome.

I'm in a position that, for lack of a better term, scares the f--k out of me.

I still don't know what to do.

I've done nothing but think and think and think but I just

can't figure out the best way to go about this.

When people say money doesn't buy happiness, I call BS.

Money can't make you happy if you're not already.

Money can't replace family, love, companionship.

Money can't make the sick healthy.

Money I'm sure adds stress but it also eases stress.

Money is security.

It is this security that I seek.

I don't want to be rich.

 I don't want to buy a fancy car or material possessions.

I want to pay my rent & utilities and not

have to do math while I walk up & down the aisles

at the grocery store.

I know there are alot of other couples and families for that matter

in the same situation as Adam & I with only one person working.

I can't even imagine the additional stress I would feel if we had

children to feed and clothe.

The stress is almost too much to bear.

I am doing everything I can to not go mad and be a miserable person.

I am reminding myself daily that I am luckier than many.

It doesn't always make me feel better, but I need to remind myself.

Feeling sorry for myself, rather depressed and not looking forward
to the coming weeks is kind of a drag.

I sat down at my computer, looked up & saw this photograph.

It is of me & my lovely old dear Max.

Seeing him look up at me made me smile for a moment.

My smile turned to tears as always happens when I think about and miss Max.

He really was a sweet dog.