I Have An Owie

I did it again, I fell. Last Thursday morning.

I don't know how it happened.  I had just exited the bus and was a few buildings away from my office. I had seen my boss pull into the driveway and BAM, I was on the ground.

I really did land hard. I had been carrying my coffee in my left hand (that I'd not yet had one sip) and both arms were out in front of me as if I was trying to make a snow angel but on my belly.

I don't remember twisting an ankle or stepping on uneven ground, it was just a sudden bang & I was flat.  It happened so fast that I didn't have any ability to try to protect myself from the fall.

I had my watch on, which is metal, and it dug into my left wrist to badly that my 2 main veins in my wrist puffed up and it looked like there were earth worms in my arms. There was no cut thankfully. My wrist & the palm of my hand turned blue. I panicked. I thought I'd torn the vein and was bleeding internally.  It took a few hours for the vein swelling to go down. I had an odd grey/blue bruise, a blue mark in the palm of my hand and tenderness for about a week.

My right elbow is another story. I skinned it. Not deep enough to really bleed a lot and not lightly enough to not need to cover it with a bandage.  To this day it is causing me a great deal of pain. It is tender, it is sore, I feel sudden pangs and stabs of pain and it is healing awfully.  Not to be too revolting but it just isn't scabbing up as it should.  It would be great if it could.  It is healing with a thin scab layer like paper.  I try to keep it uncovered when I'm at home but when it touches my body or anything, it catches. Even too much air from the fan makes it hurt. In a perfect world a scab would form and come off in one quick rip, but no.

The body aches and pains from the fall, mostly in my shoulders and neck, still linger but seriously, what the hell. Why do I fall? I don't get it. In winter sure, there's ice and snow but in May?

Sunday Matinée

Mom & I went to a Sunday Matinée and saw The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. We both enjoyed it very much.

Judy Dench and Maggie Smith are amongst my favorites. Add in Bill Nighy and Tom Wilkinson and well, you just can't go wrong.

This may sound odd, but it was lovely to see so many wrinkles on screen.  These ladies have aged gracefully and it is so lovely to see natural faces full of experience and emotion.

I laughed, I cried, I laughed and cried some more.  I will watch it again when it comes out on DVD. This film is in my Top 10.

My Mom and some of her balcony garden.

That Is All

Today coming home, I got off the bus with a lady who looked to be in her early 60's.

She was wearing what looked to be specially made orthopedic shoes that had huge Velcro straps and she used a cane.

She walked faster than me.

That is all.

Stalked by a Chipmunk

It started up here.

We were being followed.

 

Then she ran from here...

 

... to here.

 

I heard a scuffle up the tree and I felt her eyes on me.

 

 

I love Chipmunks.

If Crockett wasn't with me I'd have stayed there & tried to get closer.

 

I gave Crockett a bath this morning so he was fluffy.

I sat with him under a tree and rubbed all his loose hair off.

Saves it falling out inside and having to sweep it up.

 Just a few more photos from our walk this morning.

 

 

Sunday Sunday

It is the first long weekend of the summer and the weather is hot. Folks with dogs are out earlier than usual on hot days so our fur babies don't overheat.

There were also more joggers/runners out this morning than usual as I suppose they're trying to beat the heat as well.  I get jogging/running. I just don't get doing it on a main street filled with traffic at 11am on a scorching hot day.  My Mother would say that in that case, it's more to be seen than it is a true passion of exercise.

What would have made yesterday perfect?  A balcony. My old balcony in Port Credit. It was recessed, so it was completely private. I was on the 17th floor with nothing in front of me but the sky.  I would have had my radio on in the apartment so I could hear it, but not to offend neighbors, a pitcher of ice water with slices of cucumber in it, my Adirondack chair, and a good book.

Today when I was walking with Crockett, I imagined the sound of kids jumping and playing in a pool.  To me, that is the sound of summer.

I will not complain about the heat, but I'm not looking forward to the humidity. Humidity is plain cruelty to Pugs.

Here was our walk earlier this morning.

Gotye - The Making of Eyes Wide Open - Documentary

I have shared my thoughts on this man before.

He is truly an artist and listening to his music makes me feel alive.

 

Enjoy this.

For more, visit his site:   www.gotye.com

Dr. Seuss Truths Pt. II

I have no idea where this one came from. I found it in a picture folder in my computer while looking for a specific photo of Crockett.

I didn't find the photo I was looking for but it was nice to happen upon this.

Dr. Seuss Truths

www.9gag.com

Epiphany

Something incredibly peculiar happened to me today as I ate my lunch and I’m happy about it.

I should start by saying that for years, for ethical and health benefits, I have wanted to become vegetarian.  I have tried but have not stuck to it. The fault is mine. I just didn’t have enough knowledge. It’s easy to say, “don’t eat meat”, but I have nut allergies so it adds to my limitations.

The time of year is also a factor as I am a winter comfort food addict.  Spring however, is almost the perfect time to change a diet.  There are so many more fruits and vegetables available at better prices and nothing is better than buying produce at the farmers market that is fresher than fresh.

So, here’s my story.  I was at my desk and I started eating my lunch that included some chicken.  It didn’t have any seasonings or dressing, it was just plain chicken and it tasted just like chicken.  As I chewed, I could hear birds chirping on the roof through the skylight.  Hearing the birds made me picture in my head a chicken walking around in the grass pecking at the ground. Then, I imagined that dear little chicken in my mouth. I felt nauseous.  The idea of eating that chicken didn’t make sense. After that mouthful I was done. I couldn't eat anymore of it.

I can say with 100% certainty that if I had to kill and skin/carve/pluck/fillet what I eat, I would NEVER eat meat or fish. Ever.  The birds chirping just hit a place in me that made it all make sense.

Last time I tried to change my diet, I made the mistake of using PETA as a resource/reference.  Don’t get me wrong, I think what PETA does makes a difference but it is also not for me.  I have a fragile soul. I am emotional and empathetic. I need good, valuable, usable information and resources that can help me become vegetarian. I don’t need to see cruelty. I know it exists and it is awful, beyond awful.

I used to donate monthly to the Toronto Humane Society. They would send me the monthly magazine that had all these awful stories of neglect and abuse.  I asked them to stop sending me the magazine and they wouldn’t. I had to cancel my donation to stop being exposed to that which affected me too much. Don’t even get me started on The Animal Planet!

I will not be the kind of person who pushes onto anyone how or what they should eat. It is such a personal choice and if a person is meant to be vegetarian or vegan, they will get there if they are meant to get there.

www.veg.ca  The Toronto Vegetarian Association seems like a good place for me to start.  Wish me luck.

Too Hot For Pugs and an Apple Berry Crisp

I took Crockett for a nice walk in the park mid-morning today and it was too hot. Spring and Fall are perfect Pug seasons. What I will have to get back into now is waking up with the sun on the weekends to take him for our walk before it gets too hot.

My walks with Crockett are one of my favorite things in life. They renew me and I know he LOVES it.

Even though it was warm this afternoon & I didn't really want to turn the oven on, I wanted to make an apple berry crisp for dessert.  It is my Mom's recipe. It doesn't look as good as hers does but if it tastes as good as it smells then I hit a home run.  

Nana Bread

My Mom makes kick ass Banana Bread. My niece loves it as much as I do.  I told my Mom she needs to call it Nana Bread instead of Banana Bread so that for the rest of Abby's life, she'll refer to Banana Bread as Nana Bread.

I asked for the recipe.  My Mom just pulled it out of her brain right there on the spot.

Adam liked it, I liked it, but still, it was not as good as my Mom's. Nothing ever is.

Her Favorite Number Was 7

I decided that this year I wouldn't even think of making any New Years Resolutions. Instead, I started 2012 with forced optimism. I say forced because it is generally not in my nature to be overly optimistic.  I'm not Debbie Downer and pessimistic, I'd classify myself as realistic.

New Years Eve, honestly I cannot remember. Not because of lost time due to alcohol but because most likely, Adam & I were both asleep when the clock struck midnight.

My first week of the year back at work was as it was the week before the holidays.  I go to work every day.  I give 110%. I do my job to the very best of my ability. I care about what my employer thinks of me. I realize that any day, I can walk up to the front door and it'll be chained and locked and that'll be that.  I work for a company that is in its twilight.  A few years back it was at its peak.  With the economy as it has been and companies wanting to pay less and less for goods that are costing more an more to manufacture and transport, well, shit happens.

On January 8th, I got the news that on the day before, January 7th, 2012 my friend Jenn passed away.  She was 43 years old. This news, for lack of a better way to express it, fucked me up and broke my heart.  I consider myself extremely blessed in that both my parents and other people I consider family and love are alive and well.  I have known people that have passed due to illness when they were too young and others of old age.  However, Jenn is the first person who was close to me that has passed. She was someone who I grew up with, lived with, shared life with, laughed with, shared secrets with, worked with, and one of the few people on the planet who really knew me and I her.

To classify Jenn & my relationship at the time of her death would be "it's complicated".  I loved Jenn, I love Jenn. My heart is broken. It will heal in time but the scar will remain for my lifetime.  We grew up in the same town. On and off from the age of 8 we were friends that were in and out of each others lives.  Figure skating in winter and in the summer, serious rivals in water-polo and teammates in soccer. We went to school together. Had teenage boyfriends that were friends, oh my goodness - Frankie Bilney and Carl Marchand. In high school we both worked at the airport. Jenn at the bookstore and me at the pharmacy.  Early adulthood we worked almost right next to each other at the mall. Jenn at Papierific and me at the bank. We lived this odd parallel life.

Then in the early 90's, I moved with my parents 500 kms away from my childhood home. One evening I was at a movie theater and there she was.  She had moved here as well.  We picked up our friendship right where we'd left off years before.  The best way to explain Jenn was that she was a come and go friend.  You could go months without seeing her and then when you did, it was as though it had only been days since your last meeting.

We were both on our mid 20's, both single and both far from where we grew up.  The people we knew here were work colleagues and not friends so we spent alot of time together.  After a couple of years, we moved in together and were roommates.

Living with Jenn was fun and exhausting.  Anyone who knew Jenn understands what I mean.  It is not negative, it is just the truth and the way it was being friends with Jenn.  Jenn was a very dominant personality.  She did not like hearing the word no. She was the same when she was 13 as she was when she was 30.  If you said no, she would just keep on at you until you said yes. The word manipulative could be used but not in an evil way. She was not evil, she just wanted what she wanted when she wanted it and if you could assist her with meeting her goal....great! Jenn also had a laugh. A laugh that I can hear in my head now just writing about it. I miss that laugh.

I got married in 2004 and at the beginning of 2005 was laid off from a job I'd had for 10 years.  Life overwhelmingly changed for me and I moved from the suburbs to the city.  For a couple of years, Jenn & I didn't spend time together but would catch up with the occasional e-mail.  It was in one of these e-mails where Jenn asked if I was interested in interviewing for a job at the company she'd been with almost 10 years. Because our jobs, skills and strengths were completely different and would not intertwine in the workplace, I decided "why not". I had the interview and started 2 weeks later.  This was almost 4 years ago.  This is the company that at one time was as successful as it could be.  Things became "complicated" when a new project didn't work out as planned and resulted in massive layoffs. The internal struggle of Jenn losing her job and my keeping mine was tough. 

On the other hand, I was completely happy that this unfortunate circumstance took Jenn back to our home town.  Jenn loved being an Aunt and I felt it would be good for her to be close to family. The plain truth is Jenn died before she truly started living the life I know she wanted. It is brutal and it is honest. She didn't get to be a wife and a Mother. I know she wanted that and she would have been a good Mother.  She died too young.

I talk to and think of her often. Oddly it is when I'm brushing my teeth. She has been in my dreams. I hear her calling me Gilbert. I hear her laugh. My daily life involves going places where we spent time together. My parents live across the street from where we lived together. I couldn't go to her Memorial service.  I struggled with it. I had many reasons and they are mine and I don't have to justify them to anyone.  I realize that no one can tell anyone how to mourn.

As it happens when anyone dies, those close to them change.  I have changed. Jenn's death reinforced to me that our health is our wealth.  It made me want to live a fuller life cause we never know what tomorrow holds.  I know that if you told Jenn on Jan 6th that Jan 7th would be her last day, she'd be pissed. Pissed at the things she didn't try or didn't do.

I miss her.

Jenn on her 40th Birthday.