Lollipop

In Mississauga last weekend, I saw a Squirrel eating a Lollipop.

There are so many of them on the grounds around my Mother's place and

they are brave little things. I guess they have been fed by folks.

When I started to talk to one it came right up to me within 3 feet.

Actually it freaked me out.

TV

I like to watch TV as much as I like movies.
Adam is more of a movie guy. He tolerates tv.

I didn't watch Lost or Heroes.

I've never seen an episode of Desperate Wives or Grey's Anatomy.

I loved the first few seasons of Survivor.
Jeff Probst, Colby, Ethan, Boston Rob.

I do like The Biggest Loser. 
Not for all the game play and challenges, but to see people transform their bodies & lives.

I like So You Think You Can Dance, but only the US production with Simon, Mia & Adam. 

I will watch a documentary about anything - except cruelty to animals.
Can't even THINK about watching The Cove.

Love The National Geographic Channel.
Cesar Milan is fantastic & Dog Town makes me want to pack up and move to Utah.

My new favorite sitcom is Big Bang Theory. I love Sheldon
and Howard's belt buckles.

The best series I've enjoyed have been on Showcase & HBO.
The show I wish was still on - Queer As Folk. Gale Harold - 'nuff said.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - classic, neurosis at its best.
Entourage - love Lloyd
Califonication - David Duchovny - 'nuff said

The one thing I have not watched lately that I told Adam I'm going to start watching again this season is Hockey Night in Canada.
Believe it or not, I miss watching Hockey.



I Used To Be Fearless

When I was younger,  I was fearless.

I had confidence.

I was not self concious.

I was audacious.

I was brave.

I was daring.

I was gutsy.

I just went and asked Adam, out of the blue, to explain me using only 5 words.

They were:

Kind

Giving

Sweet

Funny

One of a kind

I'll take that. That is a good list coming from the man who
vowed to love me 'til death do us part.

 

Now, the 5 words I'd use to explain myself are:

Nurturing

Funny

Worrier

Affectionate

Kind

I want to add fearless and brave back onto both Adam's and my list.

Just What I Needed



On Friday night, I slept better than I have in weeks.

I was at my Mom's.

My Dad was away so I spent the weekend with her.

When there, my Mommy hearing turns off.

I don't have kids, but I do have Mommy hearing.

The phone rang early Saturday morning and I didn't even hear it!

If you've seen the movie Mother with Albert Brooks, I, like Albert's character, cannot spend any time with my Mother at her home without my Brother calling her at least once a day.

The way in which I have chosen to deal with my dysfunctional sibling relationship is to not deal with my dysfunctional sibling relationship.

I have an excellent argument/life case study in regards to Nature vs. Nurture.

At home in the city, any small noise wakes me up.

Any movement by Adam or Crockett in the night and I check to make sure they're ok.

Tap is dripping, I hear it. Guy in the apt above tinkles in the night, I hear it.

When I'm sleeping within 20 feet of my Mom...magic slumber.

I ran some errands for my Mom on Saturday.

The sky was creepy and beautiful.

Believe it or not, it didn't rain.

Saturday night we had Lamb Curry for dinner. 
We discussed why it's good to be a vegetarian, and how awful it is to eat a cute little lamb.
My mother said it was especially difficult when she was in England to eat Lamb and then on the way home from the Pub, see them all grazing on the hills.
I will admit, it was a good meal and one I would only eat if prepared by my Mother.
I have never purchased and cooked Lamb myself. Couldn't do it.

My Mom making Lamb Curry
At home, I am a Pescetarian on my journey to becoming a Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian.
It is a process and I accept that, until I am fully transitioned and eating a full well balanced vegetarian diet, I will on occasion, eat meat.



Not The Best Day Ever

I've had a tough past few weeks.

I haven't been feeling very good.

Today, on my way home from work, on the bus, this happened;

A panic attack is a period of incredibly intense, often temporarily debilitating, sense of extreme fear or psychological distress, typically of abrupt onset. Though it is often a purely terrifying feeling to the sufferer, panic attacks are actually an evolutionary body response often known as the fight-or-flight response occurring out of context. The most common symptoms may include trembling, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, chest pain (or chest tightness), sweating, nausea, dizziness (or slight vertigo), light-headedness, hyperventilation, paresthesias (tingling sensations), and sensations of choking, smothering and dreamlike and disconnected sensations. During a panic attack, the body typically releases large amounts of adrenaline into the bloodstream. First time panic attacks are usually one of the worst experiences of a person's life. Typically, first time sufferers of a panic attack truly believe they are dying, going insane or having a heart attack.

What the......Was it a Dream?

I didn't sleep well last night. Lots of dreaming.

Our bedroom faces Yonge Street so with open windows, noise happens.

I was trying to remember if this was a dream or not.

I woke up and it was like a scene from the Simpson's with Mr. Burns.

I was startled by a loud clap of thunder.

I opened my eyes to see Adam closing the window.

Only I didn't really see Adam.

I saw his silhouette in a bright room filling flash of lightning.

I wish I could draw......

Drawn on a Post It Note with my favorite Sharpie Pen

What a Rebel

  With the arrival of spring/summer comes the arrival of construction season.

Last season it was south of us, this season it was right at our door. 

It made for very dusty windows and extra traffic congestion during the evening rush home.

Adam is a romantic. 

The day they repaved the sidewalks right in front of our building, he did this:

Sure the J is a bit wonky....but still

This is where he did it - next to the side door.

What makes him a rebel and what made the J wonky is that he did it while 

the pave crew was a few meters away.

He did it right by the small side door that we use everyday.

I see it every time I come & go.



My Adam

This is one of my favorite photos of Adam.

It was taken a few years ago at Christmas and the thing about this photo, which I find

odd about it being a favorite, is that his hair is dyed brown.

One of the many things I love about my Adam is his mostly grey salt & pepper

hair and just how fantastic it looks on him.

He has great thick soft hair and I like it long like this.

He has a system. I know when I'm allowed to touch it & when I'm not.

He is almost a chick when it comes to his hair and loves shopping for new hair products.

I also dig the beard, which has of late, become more grey than brown.

The Adult Learner

It would be an accurate statement to say that never before

have I been more stressed about the stability of my job.

Discussions at my workplace this last few months have included the words:

Workshare

Working Notice

Lay Offs

Downsizing...

Scary scary stuff

I've been scanning job sites & websites with the fervor of a young man looking for porn.

I know what I want to do, what job I'm looking for.

Almost every posting has  - Knowledge of Medical Terminology Required.

This has resulted in my looking into night school, something I've been wanting to do forever.

Thing is, if I'm not able to find a course at one of the Universities,

I don't want to go to an institution that costs too much and results in meaningless credentials.

You know, the kind where Sally Struthers might present me with my diploma

after giving Cleetus his for TV/VCR Repair.

Adam bought me this book :

Reading it brings it clear to light that I am, in fact, an Adult Learner.

My brain just doesn't work the same way it did in my youth.

I am also not as good at recalling Grammar Terms and their meanings as I once was.

Conjunction junction what's your function?

To get me irritated & agitated that I can't remember all this stuff!

So, my commute reading over the next few weeks will be this book. Give me a bit of

a head start with all things grammatical while I search for a course to take.

Bits 'n Pieces

I couldn't decide what to have for dinner tonight so I had classic bits 'n pieces:

Dill & Lemon Tuna

Avocado

Cheese

Grape Tomatoes

Flaxseed Crackers

and eggs that were being hardboiled as I shot this picture.



I'm going to make some lazy muffins tonight - Quaker Honey Bran.

Lazy because all I have to do is just add water.

I have an issue with Breakfast during the week. I don't have it.

 A large Tim's Double Double doesn't a complete Breakfast make.

It's because I am up and out of the house so early, I just can't eat at 6am.

I've tried taking different things for breakfast but unless I eat them as

soon as I get in, I get into the work groove and forget about eating.

By the time I remember, the yogurt is warm and is on my *I'm crazy I can't eat warm yogurt* list.

  

My Muffin Mix & Adam's open boxes of cereal.

 I'm going to make the muffins and stick them in the freezer.

I'll grab one on the way out in the morning and hope it's defrosted by the time I get to the office.

 If this works, I'll look up some good healthy muffin recipes to make from scratch.

Something with blueberries, lemon and cranberries.

Stardust - One Of My Favorite Films

Stardust (2007) - Theatrical Trailer HD - © Paramount Pictures

You'll have to pause my Player at the bottom of the page to be able to hear the trailer.

This film is pure joy escapism.

To categorize it - Family Fantasy Adventure Romance.

Great cast. British Humor.

If you have a lazy Sunday afternoon planned, this is a good way to spend it.

My Job Doesn't Define Me

On my way home from work on the subway Friday, I rode with a girl

who stuck in my mind and made me think.

The subway portion of my daily commute consists of 5 station stops. 

In the morning it takes about 7 mins, in the afternoon about 12 mins.

This girl and I rode together for 4 stations - about 10 mins.

She was 6' tall, late 20`s, olive complexion, attractive - not beautiful, hair

slicked back into a tight bun. Dressed business sexy, not slutty.

Cheap shoes and 3 bags - a purse, a large canvas over the
shoulder bag and a laptop carrier.

Within seconds of sitting down, she reached into her large bag and
pulled out her make-up bag.

Reapplied her lipstick, dabbed her forhead, nose and chin.

Examined her teeth and hair in her hand held mirror.

She then searched her purse for her pink bedazzled Crackberry and stared

at it with a very serious expression for a minute.

She put it away and then pulled out her laptop. 

Before openning it, she had to rearrange all her bags as the subway

was filling up and she had to vacate the seat next to her.

Within another minute, the laptop was back in the bag, she's stood up, arranged

all her bags on her shoulders and we got off at the same stop.

She ran up the 2 flights of stairs and was out of sight. 

When I exited the station, there she was, waiting for the same bus as me.

 Watching her made me agitated.

She reminded me of so many people here in Toronto. Go go go.

She was all about her job. It consumed every minute in her mind.

She reminded me of the me I used to be.

I used to define myself by my job.

For 7 years, I had the perfect job.

I worked for good people, with good people and in a business

that resulted in helping people and improving the quality of lives of many.

It never bothered me that I carried a pager, then a phone

24/7 or that almost every holiday, I was "on". 

I never got the Sunday night stresses. I was never sick.

I truly loved what I did. It was a stressful job in that it was very time sensitive,
but at the end of everyday, everything was done, wrapped up nicely and
complete until it started all again the next day.

Working for people who are good and kind and who you respect and they respect you back is priceless.  I was part of the team. Part of what made us successful.

Mind you, the whole time I worked for this

company I was single.

I had a dog of course.

My lovely Max, who I miss so much, came

to work with me everyday.

He had his own pillow in the corner of my office and he would get up every day at 3:55pm like he knew it was time to go home. The passenger seat of my car was his seat.

But I digress....

Upon meeting me, one of the first things I shared with people was that I was very lucky in that I had a job I loved.

I realized then, as I do now, just how fortunate I was.

It was secure, it was meaningful, it gave me a life where I was able to support myself and it really did define me. 

The owners put their lives into their business and built it to a level that made them happy.

They were able to sell and move on knowing they built something great.

Sadly, it was sold to the wrong man.

It was just one of those things that happens. 

It was my lesson to learn that not all people are good.

I stayed there longer than I should have and that was sad.

The company that once was, was no longer. I mourned it.

Luckily, just around this time, I met Adam.

My next job had value, it like the previous, was in a industry that helped people.

I was proud of the work I did. It made me feel like I made a difference.

It was a job. It paid the bills. I did not have it in me to give myself to it 24/7, but
my work ethic wouldn't permit me to say *no* when asked to work off
the schedule, or extra or to cover, etc.
The shift work killed me.
My priorities changed, I wanted to be home with my husband.

When I decided to move on, I was very lucky and got a job that was Mon-Fri 8am-4pm.

Of course there is good & bad in everything.

There are 2 bads....the commute & the fact that I no longer work in an industry

that makes a difference.

This has caused me to question so many things. What's my purpose?

What do I contribute to the world? How do I define myself?

All I know is that I have always been a daughter, and now I am a wife.

Being Adam's wife has made me completely happy and

my job no longer defines me like the girl on the subway's does her. 

All About Crockett

Crockett - Our Super Pug

Photos taken Sept 7'10

Super Tidy Up Long Weekend

Labour Days Weekend.

Yesterday & today we had a right tidy up.

Every room, every cupboard, every nook & cranny and even

our storage locker.

Came across some old photos & beautiful cards from Adam.

From the 1st card he gave me, each one has been perfect

and the words he writes make my heart melt.

I also found a photocopy of this that I should read often:

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A LONG AND PEACEFUL LIFE

1. 
   
   Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
2. 
   
   Thou shalt not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
3. 
   
   Thou shalt face each problem as it comes. You can handle only one at a time.
4. 
   
   Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
5. 
   
   Thous shalt not take problem to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.
6. 
   
   Thou shalt not borrow other people's problems. They can take better care of them than you can.
7. 
   
   Thous shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It's very hard to learn something new when you're talking.
8. 
   
   Thou shalt not try to re-live yesterday for good or ill - it is gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.
9. 
   
   Thous shalt not become bogged down by frustration, for 50% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive actions.
10. 
    
    Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones - for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Reading that list & this - a favorite photo of Crockett  -

makes me relax & smile.

A Walk in the Park

Our front stairs

The weather report for this weekend called for rain, so when I woke up this

morning & the sun was out, I took Crockett to the park. 

It was very windy and there were patches of grey and blue skies.

Blue sky poking through

We had the park to ourselves & it was lovely.

Pug & Flowers

It really was perfect Pug weather. 

The lamp post makes me think of Narnia. Where is Mr. Tumnus?

All Things 80's

I've been invited to a work colleague's 40th birthday party with an 80's theme.

 I loved the 80's. Great things ocurred in the 80's.

I have alot of very special memories from that time in my life.

The dilemma is what to wear.  I was not then, as I am not now, fashion forward.

In the 80's I wore alot of pink. Too much pink. Way too much pink.

I wore Levi Jeans, Boat Shoes, Osaga white leather runners, button downs, sweaters and sweat shirts. Not super preppy, not super sporty, somewhere inbetween.

I did have big hair on occasion.  I did use Dippity-Do Hair Gel and Aqua Net Hair Spray.

I wore pink frost lipstick, Ralph Lauren perfume and had a thing for Swatch Watches.

This is a big hair photo of me taken for a High School Committee I was in ;

Grade 11 '85-86

What I remember most about the 80's was friend/relationships, movies & music.
They were all connected.

Some of my favorite music of the day:
Duran Duran, Madonna, U2, Peter Gabriel
AC/DC, Def Leppard and the umpteen
One Hit Wonders.

My favorite 80's Movies:
All John Hughes Films, Back To The Future,
St Elmo's Fire, Platoon, The Outsiders,
Dirty Dancing, Lethal Weapon,
The Untouchables.

Getting that party invitation resulted in a few days of heavy nostalgia
and I still have no idea what I'm going to wear.

A Little Bit Nuts

I am a little bit nuts about certain foods.

Eggs

 I cut off & take out the umbilical cords - always.

If they smell "off" they go in the trash.

If the egg white is too thick or cloudy they go in the trash.

Milk

I won't drink it within a few days of the expiry date.

I smell it before I pour it

If we buy the 3 bags vs. a carton & Adam loses the expiry date tag, I won't drink it.

Bread

I won't eat it within a few days of the expiry date.

If Adam hasn't closed the bag properly & if it's not airtight, I won't eat it.

If it has been on the counter in the sun & looks sweaty, forget about it.

Cheese

If it hasn't been wrapped airtight, I won't eat it.

Cereal

If the inner bag isn't folded down & airtight, um...nope.

If it's been openned for more than a month, not gonna happen.

Yogurt

I really only like the Fruit On The Bottom style. Texture thing.

If there is too much of the watery stuff on top....I need to drain it.

Chocolate Bars

Have to unwrap & check for bug skeletons.

Chocolate Covered Raisins

They look like chocolate covered houseflys

Hot Dog Buns

Need to separate all the buns before eating.

Thanks to a News bit where a mouse was baked right in & stuck between 2 buns.

Strawberries

Thanks to that link from Adam's Dad, I'm terrified of Strawberry Bugs

Meat & Poultry

One of the reasons I've decided to go Vegetarian is I cannot deal with taking meat off the bone. Tendons, veins, fatty things.....Gross Anatomy 101.

Fish

Must be de-boned & filet'd....no faces.

Leftovers

What is this? Leftovers? I think not.

Flour/Corn Startch/Baking Soda/Baking Powder/Sugar

Check it first for mouse hair.

I remember my Mom telling me once that to pass inspection, flour could

have 10 mouse hairs per bag....or something like that.

Peanut Butter

Sorta like toothpaste, I like to have my own jar.

Only buy small containers & must be eaten within a few weeks once openned.

Jam

Same as Peanut Butter.

Salad Dressing

Same as Peanut Butter, except I don't mind sharing.

Canned Food

I don't buy dented tins

Jars

I can't eat anything in a jar that has its contents on the outside of the jar openning or if it is sticky.

Finally, I will NEVER eat in the dark.

Here is something that, taking the above into consideration

might seem odd. I have no problem buying "No Name" brands.

Look at the labels, they are manufactured & packaged in the same

factories as the name brands. I'm neurotic, not stupid.

Nor am I rich or can afford to throw away perfectly good food.

I was tired tonight so I was lazy & had Tuna Melts for dinner.

The expiry date on the can is 2013.  That is 3 years.

I will now search the shelves for cans with a 3 year window.

Because I know I will think;

" Well, it expires in 2011. That means it could've  been on this shelf 2 years already."

POST NOTE:
I just went to make a cup of tea at work, but the little containers of milk expired 08/31/10.
When I sighed & walked away sans tea, a colleague told me I was mental, " It's just 2 days past."