Dance Therapy

I have had a very busy last few weeks and it has taken both a physical and mental toll.  Some days I can cope better than others.  Today was not a good coping day.

I woke up after a night of wonderful dreams.  I dream often. I wish I was alert enough in the mornings to write them down as a few would've made kick ass screen plays.  I actually read that people who suffer from depression dream more than regular folks.  This also explains why I wake up after a full nights sleep feeling tired.  Whatever the reason, I love dreaming.  Ever since I was a kid, I've had dreams where I can fly.  Last night, I flew, like Peter Pan. Awesome.

After the euphoria of my dreams wore off and after a cuddle with Adam & Crockett, I woke up dreading the day.  I had a few things to do that I really didn't have the motivation or desire to do.  I did them any way cause life still happens.

What I felt like doing today, as a form of therapy, was to go to the Toronto Zoo & watch the Otters, Giraffes, and Polar Bears. The only thing is on a really hot day, all the animals are smart & stay out of the sun, which keeps them out of view.  The Spring and the Fall are the best time to go to the zoo so I'll wait until then.

My other forms of therapy are hugs from Adam, talking to my Mom and/or Dad on the phone, walking Crockett, nature, music, art, and dance.  My choice today after taking Crockett for a walk,  a chat on the phone with Mom, and many many Adam hugs was dance.  I spent a good hour on YouTube watching past performances of So You Think You Can Dance.  Mia Michaels is my favorite choreographer and this routine below is my all time favorite.  I cry every single time I watch it.

Gravity - Contemporary

Funk You Very Much

I have not posted very much lately. It is not because I don't want to, it is because I am following the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say (write), say (write) nothing at all."

I have been in a funk. It's been different than my usual funks as I've had moments of happiness. Fleeting moments but moments none the less. The last thing I want to do is come home & write about all the things that irritate me or become a really really negative person.  I started writing to help me when I feel this way but lately...I just can't do it.

I have actually stopped reading a few of my favorite blogs due to the writers whining, pissing and moaning about how shitty their lives are.  I used to rely on "there are people worse off than me" then, one day, while feeling incredibly sorry for myself I started to think " ya, but there are people better off than me too".

My issue at the moment is that I really don't know what to do turn the corner. It's been a one step forward, two step back kinda deal lately. It is unfortunately not all in my control. Knowing the life you want to have and getting there is the challenge. I fear making a list of all the things that need my attention cause seeing it in writing might shut me down even more.

Ugh see...I'm starting to whine and feel bad. Tomorrow is another day.

 Melancholy

by 

Louis-Jean-François Lagrenée

What I'm Reading

Back to work today and back to spending way too much time commuting on public transit. One of the few advantages is that I have time to do my crossword on the way to work & read a book on my way home.

This is my current read.  I'm only on page 33 and I'm really liking it.  It was a book that caught my eye on a display as I was leaving Indigo. I read the back cover and went right back to the cashier and bought it.

For info on the Author go to:  www.deborahharkness.com

Vacation

I have been on vacation since last Friday and it has been wonderful.  I am appreciating the time at home.

It is both good and bad that the Olympics are in their 2nd week.  Am I spending too much time in front of the TV? Yes. Have I been inspired to get my body moving and enjoy recreational sports as I did in my youth? Yes.  Will these feelings outlast the closing ceremonies? Yes.  I've already been on the city's website looking into community fitness centers & pools in my neighborhood. 

Taking this time off was greatly needed for my mental health. Not because depression has a bigger grip on me than usual but because I needed this time to think. To do nothing. To organize my thoughts and my home. To make lists. To make plans. To have quiet. To shut down. To read. To be away from all people on buses and subways. To sleep in late. To kiss my husband at 2:00pm on a Tuesday.  To cuddle with Crockett until he's sick of me.

I have laundry to do. Quite a bit that I've let pile up.  Call me crazy, but I love doing laundry. I find it relaxing. Ironing even more so. Probably the clean fresh scent takes me back to my childhood. One of my favorite things is getting into bed with clean fresh sheets. It is my biggest wish to one day have a kick ass washer/dryer that belongs to ME.  With all of the advantages of apartment living, sharing a laundry room is one thing I dislike.  So, having it all to myself in the middle of the week is a treat.

Crockett hasn't had as many early morning walks as I'd hoped. I've been getting up later.  Tuesday, the weather was PERFECT, but every other day has been a bit too hot & humid for Pugs.  Trying to stay in shaded areas has been tough. I can tell that he doesn't like the hot pavement on his paws.

On our walk today, I did see another Rat in the park.  Disturbing.  I know they exist and I know that along with the birds and bunnies and chipmunks and foxes and field mice the park is a perfect place for them, but still. Eeeew. I think it's their tails and their teeth.. But this one was ballsy. Hopping up the steps in the middle of the morning, running along the top of the wall. It actually reminded me of Peter Pettigrew when he was in the Shrieking Shack trying to get away from Sirius & Remus.

I have to get out of this room I am in. It faces the street and cityworks have just started using a jackhammer for something across the street. Bastards.