My Job Doesn't Define Me

On my way home from work on the subway Friday, I rode with a girl

who stuck in my mind and made me think.

The subway portion of my daily commute consists of 5 station stops. 

In the morning it takes about 7 mins, in the afternoon about 12 mins.

This girl and I rode together for 4 stations - about 10 mins.

She was 6' tall, late 20`s, olive complexion, attractive - not beautiful, hair

slicked back into a tight bun. Dressed business sexy, not slutty.

Cheap shoes and 3 bags - a purse, a large canvas over the
shoulder bag and a laptop carrier.

Within seconds of sitting down, she reached into her large bag and
pulled out her make-up bag.

Reapplied her lipstick, dabbed her forhead, nose and chin.

Examined her teeth and hair in her hand held mirror.

She then searched her purse for her pink bedazzled Crackberry and stared

at it with a very serious expression for a minute.

She put it away and then pulled out her laptop. 

Before openning it, she had to rearrange all her bags as the subway

was filling up and she had to vacate the seat next to her.

Within another minute, the laptop was back in the bag, she's stood up, arranged

all her bags on her shoulders and we got off at the same stop.

She ran up the 2 flights of stairs and was out of sight. 

When I exited the station, there she was, waiting for the same bus as me.

 Watching her made me agitated.

She reminded me of so many people here in Toronto. Go go go.

She was all about her job. It consumed every minute in her mind.

She reminded me of the me I used to be.

I used to define myself by my job.

For 7 years, I had the perfect job.

I worked for good people, with good people and in a business

that resulted in helping people and improving the quality of lives of many.

It never bothered me that I carried a pager, then a phone

24/7 or that almost every holiday, I was "on". 

I never got the Sunday night stresses. I was never sick.

I truly loved what I did. It was a stressful job in that it was very time sensitive,
but at the end of everyday, everything was done, wrapped up nicely and
complete until it started all again the next day.

Working for people who are good and kind and who you respect and they respect you back is priceless.  I was part of the team. Part of what made us successful.

Mind you, the whole time I worked for this

company I was single.

I had a dog of course.

My lovely Max, who I miss so much, came

to work with me everyday.

He had his own pillow in the corner of my office and he would get up every day at 3:55pm like he knew it was time to go home. The passenger seat of my car was his seat.

But I digress....

Upon meeting me, one of the first things I shared with people was that I was very lucky in that I had a job I loved.

I realized then, as I do now, just how fortunate I was.

It was secure, it was meaningful, it gave me a life where I was able to support myself and it really did define me. 

The owners put their lives into their business and built it to a level that made them happy.

They were able to sell and move on knowing they built something great.

Sadly, it was sold to the wrong man.

It was just one of those things that happens. 

It was my lesson to learn that not all people are good.

I stayed there longer than I should have and that was sad.

The company that once was, was no longer. I mourned it.

Luckily, just around this time, I met Adam.

My next job had value, it like the previous, was in a industry that helped people.

I was proud of the work I did. It made me feel like I made a difference.

It was a job. It paid the bills. I did not have it in me to give myself to it 24/7, but
my work ethic wouldn't permit me to say *no* when asked to work off
the schedule, or extra or to cover, etc.
The shift work killed me.
My priorities changed, I wanted to be home with my husband.

When I decided to move on, I was very lucky and got a job that was Mon-Fri 8am-4pm.

Of course there is good & bad in everything.

There are 2 bads....the commute & the fact that I no longer work in an industry

that makes a difference.

This has caused me to question so many things. What's my purpose?

What do I contribute to the world? How do I define myself?

All I know is that I have always been a daughter, and now I am a wife.

Being Adam's wife has made me completely happy and

my job no longer defines me like the girl on the subway's does her.