What Is This New Devilry?

I saw a girl reading this on the bus.  All I saw was the title, nothing else.  I thought it was a way of coping with stress through tap dancing.

Being interested in ways of coping with and dealing with stress, I googled it when I got home.  Disappointed that it did not refer to tap dancing, I was however, still intrigued.  There were more than a few videos on YouTube and I read a few articles.  I decided, why not!

I am open minded and willing to look into anything that could naturally help me cope with stress and reduce my headaches.

This is taken from the front inside jacket;

"Tapping, also known as EFT, is a powerful tool for improving your life on multiple levels: mental, emotional, and physical."

"Based on the principles of both ancient acupressure and modern psychology, tapping concentrates on specific meridian end points, while focusing on negative emotions or physical sensations. Combined with spoken word, tapping  helps calm the nervous system to restore the balance of energy in the body and rewire the brain to respond in healthy ways."

I've tried meditation but, can't get the quiet needed, both environmentally and internally, so, tapping is getting a try.

What I'm Reading

I bought this book a few years back and for whatever reason didn't read it.  I need to learn how to relax and turn my mind off, find a quiet place, and relax.

I started to read it today on the bus on my way home from work and fell asleep!  That is a problem with me lately; if I sit and zone out, I fall asleep.

I'm just searching for a little peace.

A Tough 24 Hours with Crockett & Kennel Cough

Crockett is suffering with Kennel Cough.

Add that to his Pug related Brachycephalic Syndrome - Elongated Pallet, a throat inflammation from all the coughing AND the hot humid weather as of late.....the result is one horribly uncomfortable Pug and one stressed worried Pug Mommy.

Yesterday evening I pulled out the camera to film this to show the Vet.

The second video below was taken in the middle of the night after he'd had many episodes.  One lasted 8 minutes long & it was after that one at 4am that I called the Vet's office.

I left a message stating I'd be at their office door at 8am when they open.

He is comfortable now after getting a super shot & some other meds in him.

Thankfully the humid weather has lifted a bit. It has made for a happier Pug, Pug Mommy & Pug dDaddy.

Online Diagnosis

I have not felt at all well this week.

When I am stressed I get anxious.

Being anxious causes stress.

I am stressed, anxious and incredibly tired.

Awesome trifecta is it not?

I have been sharing my stress with it's regular home in my 

stomach, with my chest and shoulders.

I go from having a sore shoulder, to a sore back, to

a heavy chest, a tight neck and a light head.

Add worry to that & I can become a mess really fast.

I even had sympathy pains this morning

for my Mom in my left knee as I was walking to the subway.

I think I either have a doozy of a chest cold

on the way or my Sarcoidosis is flaring up.

Walking with purpose exhausts me

and stairs, ugh, stairs.

I am doing everything to stay away from Web MD

as undoubtedly, if I looked up my symptoms, I'd

make a beeline for the nearest ER.

My Weekend

I spent the weekend with my folks.

It was rather uneventful because my Mom has an awful cold

and I am just too tired to do anything.

I spent alot of my awake time thinking too much and my asleep time dreaming.

They were dreams both good and bad.

When I woke up I was depressed and sad.

Sad that the good dreams were just that, dreams.

 Sad that the bad dreams were about what is currently real.

It's been a month since I was given my 3 month working notice.

January has gone by so fast and I've tried to block it out during the week

 so I can still function and do my job but March 31st approaches fast.

It's almost made me dread weekends knowing that I have to think about

something that will be life altering no matter the outcome.

I'm in a position that, for lack of a better term, scares the f--k out of me.

I still don't know what to do.

I've done nothing but think and think and think but I just

can't figure out the best way to go about this.

When people say money doesn't buy happiness, I call BS.

Money can't make you happy if you're not already.

Money can't replace family, love, companionship.

Money can't make the sick healthy.

Money I'm sure adds stress but it also eases stress.

Money is security.

It is this security that I seek.

I don't want to be rich.

 I don't want to buy a fancy car or material possessions.

I want to pay my rent & utilities and not

have to do math while I walk up & down the aisles

at the grocery store.

I know there are alot of other couples and families for that matter

in the same situation as Adam & I with only one person working.

I can't even imagine the additional stress I would feel if we had

children to feed and clothe.

The stress is almost too much to bear.

I am doing everything I can to not go mad and be a miserable person.

I am reminding myself daily that I am luckier than many.

It doesn't always make me feel better, but I need to remind myself.

Feeling sorry for myself, rather depressed and not looking forward
to the coming weeks is kind of a drag.

I sat down at my computer, looked up & saw this photograph.

It is of me & my lovely old dear Max.

Seeing him look up at me made me smile for a moment.

My smile turned to tears as always happens when I think about and miss Max.

He really was a sweet dog.

Good Grief! No.....BAD Grief!!

Today was not such a good day.

My brain hasn't stopped since I was given a bit of news at work.

The only way to describe what has been going on in my head

for the last 9 hours is;

Woe

Chaos

Dread

Fear

Trepidation

Agitation

Worry

Angst

Distress

Apprehension

and Uneasiness 

I'm in a position where I have to make a decision.

As much as I dislike the Canadian Rock Institution that is RUSH,

Geddy Lee hit the nail on the head with the lyric,

" If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice."

It's almost like I need to pray or to meditate or to sit in a quiet

distraction free room and just really think. 

I need a really really big piece of paper, a pencil, a pencil sharpener and an eraser.

I need to write everything down as it comes, without worrying

that my writing is neat, I'm using correct grammar
or that what I am writing makes any sense. 

Then I have to listen and really hear the response I get from the Universe.

I wish I could ask advice from;

Gandalf 

Yoda

Kuato

Glenda the Good Witch

Dumbledore

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Galadriel

Aslan

The Man with the Yellow Hat

The Friendly Giant

Some fictional character that would magically provide me with the perfect

solution and all would just work out perfectly.

I consider myself an intelligent person.

I am logical.

I know who I am.

I have a healthy sense of self.

I am honest with myself.

I know what I like, I know what I don't like.

I know my strengths and my weaknesses.

One of my weaknesses that will be tested

is my lack of hearing my inner voice.

I tend to question my intuition.

During my commute home, I feared that I would not be

good company tonight.

I made an effort before I walked int he door to breathe, smile

and not be a Debbie Downer.

Adam did what Adam does.  He made me smile.

He made me laugh and he made me forget,

even for a few moments,

all the crap that is bumping around in my brain.

The trick will be getting to sleep tonight.

I'll have to put in The Lord of the Rings on DVD

and let Howard Shore's awesome score

assist me in getting to the REM stage of sleep.