Gratitude and Post Update Nov 5'10

Life can be difficult at times. 

Stress, fear, anxiousness, vulnerability and uncertainty on occasion
creep into my quiet mind.

 I have consciously made an effort to replace these negative thoughts with thoughts of

GRATITUDE.

If I made a list of negative vs. positive things in my life, positive wins by a land slide.

The tough part for me has been to focus on and recognize the positive.

I am a worrier, always have been, always will be, but I am getting better.

I'm not one who could keep a daily list of things I'm grateful for. 

It would make me think about it too much.

I need to learn to recognize these things organically as they happen.

There are the basics, Adam, love, health, family, dog, laughter, gainful employment...

Today, I am grateful for the roof over my head, the food in my pantry, the warm blanket,

perfect pillow, cozy jammies and bed I get to sleep in next to my husband.

I leave the house for work between 6:15-6:30am.

Twice last week and again this morning I came upon a lady

who has been sleeping in the bus shelter at my bus stop.

The City of Toronto over the last year has, with the beautification

of Yonge Street, replaced all the bus shelters.

It is almost as though they were designed specifically so that homeless people

would not choose them as a place of shelter.

The walls are 6 inches shy of the ground.

The wind hits your ankles and goes up your pant leg.

If you have to wait for more than 15 minutes in the cold, your toes freeze.

The seats are divided into 3 sections with a cold raised piece of steel.

You have to be a size 6 for it not to dig into your thigh.

Again, anything longer than a 15 minute wait and your leg would fall asleep.

The lady is about 5'4".

She wears a red winter jacket at a length just above her knees.

The fake fur trimmed hood is up, covering her face.

She wears a long jean skirt to her ankles and flat ballerina type slippers.

By the time I get to the bus stop, she seems to have been up for awhile.

As I walk by, she is putting belongings into a bag.

The seat is covered with boxes.

She's put them under and over the seat dividers to fashion a home made mattress.

She's placed other boxes up the side of the glass so she has a

barrier against the cold glass.



Red Coat Lady's boxes tucked behind the shelter.

 I walk past, she doesn't look up. By the way she moves and holds herself, I'd say she's in her 50's.

I sit on the other bench a few feet away waiting for my bus. We can't see each other because of the ad wall of the shelter. I'm happy for this as I feel I'm invading her

space and privacy in a way.

She takes about 4 trips from the bench to the garbage can, folds up her boxes and places them behind the bus shelter so that they will be there for her to reuse tonight.

I wonder what her story is. Are there people who worry about her? Wonder where she is? Wonder if she is alive? I fear for her saftey.

My bench at the corner by the bus stop.



Seeing homeless men is always sad, but seeing a homeless women hits me in a different way.

She seems so much more vulnerable, exposed.

I wonder why sleeping on the street is better than going to a shelter. I wonder if anyone has tried to help. I wonder what I can do. I am going to hurry up and finish knitting my red scarf so that I can offer it to her.

It seems so little, but if I put myself in her place, I

would hope that someone would do the same for me.

POST UPDATE Nov 5'10
I haven't seen the Red Coat Lady since Monday.
It has this last week cooled down fast, so I hope she's found
warmer and safer shelter.