I feel a
bit lost without my camera. I miss it. It is interesting
how differently I see the world when I’m holding it, I am more aware of the
world around me.
I’ve come
to realize that I walk with my head down. I don’t notice people. Hugh Jackman could walk by me and I wouldn’t
notice. Am I looking for treasures that have fallen out of pockets? Admiring my
shoes? Avoiding cracks? One exception, I do notice dogs.
I’m also
out of sorts as I’ve lost sole occupancy of my little nook, my corner, my
haven, to Adam. He is again suffering,
and I do mean suffering, as his
computer has gone wonky A G A I N. This time, it won’t power up. Nothing sends
my beloved into a tizzy more than computer issues.
Adam
treats his music CD’s like they’re gold, but he treats his computer
poorly. I treat my DVD’s poorly and my
laptop like it’s gold. So, there’s tension.
I fear what would be found under the keys on his keyboard. He eats at
his desk. His mouse is revolting and covered with hot sauce. Sometimes the
wheel doesn’t move and you have to click a little harder. I will eat while at my desk but WHAT we eat
is different.
For
example, yesterday upon my arrival home, I went to check my e-mail & there
was something syrupy and sticky on my desk near the mouse. I called Adam in
with my “wtf bitch tone” and asked what it was.
I got the blank stare. No words. Then I figured it out. I recently
bought Blueberry Eggo Waffles. “Is this
syrup?” I gasped with disbelief. “Who eats waffles while online?”
Geez.
I’ve also
been more aware this year that I really should hibernate during the month of
February. It is awful and I have been miserable. Although our winter has been
snow-free, it’s been all over the place.
Yesterday is was -11 with the wind chill. Today it’s +15. The apartment is either too
hot or too cold. I’m not dressed warm enough or I’m sweating like a
cochon. I’ve also recently got what I
call an old lady affliction in that the second I step out into any type of
breeze, my eyes water. Not just a bit, but tears run down my cheeks.
This
morning, I didn’t leave home in the dark.
It has started to get lighter earlier and stay lighter longer, which is
great. It actually elevates my mood. But still, my funk remains. I try to stay
positive, but some days, it just doesn’t cut it. Sure, there are people worse
off than me, but at the moment when I feel like shit, it doesn’t help me with
my day as I find myself thinking that there are also people better off than me.
Last
Friday I had set my alarm earlier than normal as I was going to go to my
parents straight from work. I needed the
extra time to pack a few things and get to work a bit earlier so I could leave
bang on at 4:00pm. For WHATEVER reason,
it did NOT go off. I woke up cause I was
dreaming. I don’t dream during the week.
I only dream if I’m late and more often than not, I dream about being late.
Well, I had enough time to brush my teeth, run my fingers through my hair, and
run out the door. The bus was coming so
I ran to the stop. I would have to come
home from work before heading out to Mississauga.
I added 3 hours of bus travel to my life. YAY.
While on
the subway, I realized I had forgotten something at home I needed for work. I
made a pro/con list in my head & decided I’d deal with the consequence and
continue on to work. When I got up to
Finch Station to transfer from the subway to my bus, I stopped at Tim Hortons
for my coffee as I always do. When I got
to the platform, I sat down on a bench to sort myself out, put away my hat,
scarf & gloves and get out my mp3 player.
When I sat down, something felt wrong. It was too cold, just not
right. I reached down between my thighs
and….my pants had ripped. The right leg, 2 inches below my ass, right across
the back. I could feel the breeze. I felt like sliding off the bench and
crawling under it in the fetal position for a good cry. Instead, I walked with my back to the wall,
got on the bus last and hoped I’d get to the office without my fellow commuters
seeing my lady bits.
Thankfully
I keep a long black cardigan at work. I wrapped it around my waist & no one
knew of my extreme discomfort.
Seriously, this is honestly another case where my sense of humor has
saved me.
I will
continue to ride out this funk by escaping into books and films, classical
music, buying 6/49 & Loto Max tickets with optimism, and appreciating my
sense of humor.
