Music

I am happy that in High School, I took music, learned to read music, played an instrument, was in both concert and jazz bands, and learned to appreciate different genres.

I've always had music in my life. As a kid, I had Disney albums, sang into the vacuum cleaner handle, and played piano on the edge of the kitchen table. I had the Grease Soundtrack and K-Tel compilation disco albums in the 70's. As a teen in the 80's I bought my albums through the Columbia House Record & Tape Club. I would pull the speakers out of our living room stereo unit, put a pillow on the floor, turn the speakers inward and then build a fort around myself with the sofa cushions. Heaven.

I sound like my Dad when I say music made today is noise, not music. I think it was 2006 or so when I stopped digging the Top 40.  I'm not into the new music.  It no longer seems to be about talent. I want to listen to someone who lives for their music and who does whatever they need to make it their career, versus some kid who thinks it'd be cool to go on a reality show and become a star. Although, I will say, I like Kelly Clarkson. That girl can sing!

Take lyrics for example.  Pink Floyd Wish You Were Here vs. Nicki Minaj Anaconda

Pink Floyd -  Wish You Were Here 

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here. 

When I hear this song on the radio, I have to stop what I'm doing, close my eyes and live it. I love it. Acoustic guitar, David Gilmour's voice...pure magic.



Nicki Minaj - Anaconda

My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Look at her butt (look at her butt)
Little in the middle but she got much back
Little in the middle but she got much back
Little in the middle but she got much back
Oh my God (look at her butt)
My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun
(Don't don't don't) My Anaconda don't...
(Don't don't don't) Don't want none unless you got buns hun
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Yeah, he love this fat ass
Yeah! This one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club
I said, "Where my fat ass big bitches in the club?"
Fuck those skinny bitches,
Fuck those skinny bitches in the club
I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club, fuck you if you skinny bitches. What? Yeah!
Yeah. I got a big fat ass. Come on! 


 All I can say about this is....what the fuck?  I have 2 young nieces and the LAST thing I want them listening to and singing along with crap lyrics like this.

On my way home, another young'un was listening to awful music on their phone without earbuds. Drives me nuts, but I'm not about to give them my bitch face & get shot.

When I got home, I needed to listen to something to replace the thumpa thumpa that was unfortunately catchy and stuck in my head. 

I chose this:

I bought this DVD at BMV Books a few years ago. It is Six Movements for Orchestra, Chorus, and Soloists, recorded live at Salle Wilfred-Pelltier, Place des Arts, Montreal in Feb 2004. 

The score that Howard Shore composed the the Lord of the Rings Trilogy is fantastic. Gives me goose bumps. It is music that makes me feel.

After the DVD finished, I had to of course, start watching the LOTR trilogy.  Tonight I'll get through Disc 1 of 2 of the extended Fellowship of the Ring.

It's good timing, a long weekend approaches and I haven't watched all 3 in a row for awhile. 

Around Here

A few weeks ago I felt like I needed a break.  I was tired. Too tired. It's difficult for me this time of year when the daylight hours reduce and I leave home in the dark.

More than usual, my commutes have been hellish. Traffic delays, lane closures, TTC delays and service disruptions. Rude people, ignorant people, smelly people, loud people, too many people.

Leaving home at 6:30am and getting home between 6:30 - 7:00pm. 8 hours at the office and 4+ hours to and from is enough to make anyone a bit tired so, I booked a week vacation.

The day I decided this I received a call from Adam advising we'd be going up to Keswick to visit his Dad during the 1st weekend of my vacation.  It was the perfect way to start my vacation, a trip out of this loud, noisy, busy city!

We spent the weekend with great company, 2 lovely dogs, good food, fresh air, and a deep deep sleep.  My Father-In-Law put us up at the Inn on the Lake, on Cook's Bay of Lake Simcoe.  I was so excited to see the sunset and the stars without the city lights but the fresh air got to us city folk, and we were both asleep and snoring by 9pm.

We woke up before the sun and were able to enjoy the sunrise. The sound of Geese was soothing and a few "morning's" were exchanged with early morning walkers with their nordic poles.

There was a speed boat off in the distance and I heard a few bangs. I thought it was the echo of the boat hitting the water, but no, it was the opening day of duck season. Thankfully I only heard a few shots. 

What I haven't mentioned is that the Friday night before my vacation started and before we headed up to Keswick, I had a sore throat and some head congestion.  It was a slight irritant during the day Saturday, and a nuisance overnight. Sunday day it kicked me in the face, and by the time we got home late Sunday afternoon, I started feeling feverish and achy.

I knew I needed a break, I didn't know it was my body telling me to prepare for a whopper of a cold.  Although it wasn't how I'd planned to spend my vacation, there was a huge sense of relief that I could rest and get bet better without stressing about work. 

When I woke up Tuesday, Adam was coughing, achy, and had a sore throat. I passed this on to my loving husband and I knew I had more than just a cold.  Hearing the wheezes and whistles that sang out of my lungs, not being able to get rid of the congestion in my chest, and having a blocked right ear, I knew I had to go to the MD.

I was diagnosed with a severe case of bronchitis and an ear infection.  Given antibiotics and a puffer and told that I'd feel better in 7-10 days. Having previously had pneumonia, bronchitis is something to be taken seriously. I guess the ear infection was a bonus.

The week flew by in a daze of kleenex, Buckley's caplets, extended naps, tea with honey, and chicken soup. I've drank more water this past week than the whole previous month.

When Sunday came around, I knew I still wasn't 100% so I booked off 2 more days and will go back to work Wednesday.

As much as I was sick, the time home with Adam, and the rest was exactly what I needed. I wish I could stay home and hibernate until April, but life goes on and I have to get back to reality.

I feel better today than yesterday and am happy that with Thanksgiving coming up on Monday, I'll have a short week and then 3 more days to rest.

Melancholy

Feeling somewhat melancholy this weekend.

I miss Crockett. Today is the kind of day he loved in the park - sunny and windy.  His head would have been up high with his nose working overtime inhaling the scent of everything.

I have a To Do List with about 10 items and my body just can't seem to get up and move.

I know I'll feel better once I've done the dishes and cleaned he kitchen but to get from here to there.....ugh.

Another one of the many photos taken on our walks.

Realization

Two realizations hit me the other day rather hard as I was sitting on the couch watching TV:

1. I am 100% absolutely fine with the fact that I will never have children.

2. I am a Dog person.  I must and will have Dogs in my life, for my whole life.

I am in no way wanting to replace Crockett. He was unique and special and my heart is still hurting from our loss.

I am however hopeful that come next spring, we will be healed and ready to welcome a little 4 legged fur life in our home & hearts.  

Unorganized

99.9% of the time Crockett & I were out walking, I had my camera with me.  I've taken so many photos of Crockett, the park, flowers, the neighbourhood, Adam, the sky, and everything in between.

What I did not do was organize my photos well. Actually, at all.  I fear it'll take me at least until Christmas to get all my files in order. I will admit, being unorganized like this is causing me a little bit of anxiety.

What I'm experiencing right now is a pain that is still too close to the surface to just click & file.  Every photo I look at makes the memories flood in. It really is lovely to have so many photos and videos of Crockett.  I wish I had as many of my previous 4 legged lovelies; Max, Sheba, and Candy.

I saw a post on Facebook today that said, " Every dog should have a home and every home should have a dog.", and I completely agree.  I am not one to rush about and get another dog.  To each his own when it comes to this, but for me, I need to grieve, remember, reflect, and let time pass before jumping back in.

Pet ownership is a great responsibility. One that I do not take lightly. NEVER would I want a pet as a gift, or as a surprise.  Also, pet care is costly and if you can't cover the monthly insurance and upkeep costs, you have no business getting a pet.

Here are just a few I've come across while filing. He really was adorable :)

Crockett

We lost our sweet boy 8 days ago.  He was a sweet loving Pug who wanted nothing more than to be around his people.  His people loved him very much and are heart broken and missing him.

I want to write about it but am still too fragile.  It has been a very emotional week. Some people just do not understand the emotions involved when one loses a pet and that's okay.

Pugs (and all dogs really) make your heart grow so that it hurts even more when it breaks.  I am not a religious person, but there is a part of me I admit, that hopes there is a heaven so I can see all my 4 legged lovelies again one day.

Crockett at the Park

Our sweet blind Crockett.

Social Media Break

I did it.  Today, I've decided to take a Social Media break for the rest of August.  I got a Blackberry through work and turned into a person I never thought I would - one who had their nose forever looking down at their phone.

With all this Toronto Mayoral election nonsense, I'd become addicted to Twitter.  My Twitter feed was keeping me updated and engaged on my way to & from work. I have learned more about municipal politics than I ever cared to. Let us just say I am not a Rob Ford supporter, not now, not ever.  To get away from it for the remainder of the month will be a very nice break. No Facebook and no Twitter.

I will of course, continue to watch the news and read newspapers, the way we did in the "olden days".  There is too much going on in the world to be ignorant.

I did get a new release from the library that I'd placed on hold, The Book of Life - Deborah Harkness.  It is the last book in the All Souls Trilogy.  I only have it for 2 weeks so I'll have to get on it.

It'll also be nice to get back focused on taking pictures and giving my blog life. I won't be taking any time off work so I'll need to make the most of the remaining summer weekends.

Poor sweet Crockett has pretty much completely lost his vision.  He doesn't enjoy walking on the sidewalk but is okay once we get into the park.  I can't drop the leash and let him wander as he could hurt himself, or he will just stand there looking around for me when I'm right next to him.  His hearing seems to be not as good either.  He's our sweet old boy who is enjoying cuddles more now than ever.  I think he likes knowing we're close.

Adam and I have felt a lot better lately than either of us have in a while. We're on a "clean house" kick.  I've still got a cupboard to go through and get rid of anything I haven't worn in 12 months. I don't have tons of clothes or shoes, I'm sensible that way. There are a few items that I've been holding onto that I'm going to part with, the "I'll fit into them again someday" items. Of course there are a few classics and favorites I'll never part with. My goal is simplicity. I hate clutter, it shuts me down.

Lastly, I've been eating less and less meat which is good. By the time winter rolls around, I want to have mastered a few meatless recipes because as much as I enjoy a good juicy hamburger now and again, I just don't want to eat meat.

I have to find some good vegetarian recipe sites.  I know why I don't want to eat meat and I don't want sites that continually talk about factory farming or the slaughter of animals. I'll have to become familiar with the cook book section at the library.

I missed April

There is a sort of guilt I feel for not updating my blog more often.  Not because I feel beholden to anyone other than myself.

I can't believe I missed all of April 2014!  I am THANKFUL that April was uneventful.  It was April of last year that my Mom had her heart attack and I had my hospitailzation due to my vision.

My Mom is fantastic - in better health than anyone I know.  I'm happy the weather has turned so she can start going out for her walks as that made her feel better.

My eyes are not back to 100%.  Some days they are at 90% and some days at about 70%. I try not to talk about it too much. Talking about it makes it more real and scary as hell.  Better to suffer in silence at times. It's tough when you open your eyes and you just can't see properly.

Today is Mother's Day.  A day with extra special meaning.  I have 2 ladies that are responsible for my life. My birth mother and my mother. I am the luckiest in that department and wouldn't have it any other way.

It's an odd feeling being 45 myself and not being a mother.  Not how I thought things would turn out for me.  Being adopted had a very significant impact on me for many aspects of life, specifically procreation. Not a damaging impact, just a very significant impact. One that I can't put into words but that is clear in my own mind.

So today I'll relish in being Crockett's caregiver and know that in my own way, I've impacted a few 4 legged lives in a maternal way.

Today is also my Adam's birthday. What a perfect day.

What Day Is It?

Wow, has time passed by so very quickly.  March has been a blur. March has been cold. March has been tough on Crockett. March has pulled at my heart strings.

Our boy has been suffering due to Collapsed Trachea.  What was previously misdiagnosed as Kennel Cough was in fact Collapsed Trachea.  It happens in smaller breeds and it is just another joy of Pug parenthood.

It has been something he's lived with for 5 years now.  He would have the odd episode, more often than not after running around at the park, or climbing the stairs.  He'd cough a few times, then carry on his way like nothing ever happened.

Earlier last week, we thought we were going to have to say goodbye to our boy.  He spent the better part of 2 days and nights having 20 minute episodes with a cough (goose honk) at every exhale.  He would maybe be lucky to get 30 minutes of respite between sessions.

After a visit to the vet, he was put on an antibiotic to clear his lungs - thankfully he didn't have pneumonia, just a bit of fluid build up.  He was also given Hycodan to suppress his cough and give him some relief.

These drugs alone didn't do the job so we went back to the vet for the next option.  A face mask and puffer (corticosteroid).  Well, WOOHOO, this trifecta of medications has worked.  We have had a weekend with a happy, non-coughing, Pug and even more happy Mommy & Daddy.

Next week is April. Wow, only 9 months 'til Christmas!