Some Whine

I feel a bit lost without my camera.  I miss it. It is interesting how differently I see the world when I’m holding it, I am more aware of the world around me. 

I’ve come to realize that I walk with my head down. I don’t notice people.  Hugh Jackman could walk by me and I wouldn’t notice. Am I looking for treasures that have fallen out of pockets? Admiring my shoes? Avoiding cracks? One exception, I do notice dogs.

I’m also out of sorts as I’ve lost sole occupancy of my little nook, my corner, my haven, to Adam.  He is again suffering, and I do mean suffering, as his computer has gone wonky A G A I N. This time, it won’t power up. Nothing sends my beloved into a tizzy more than computer issues. 

Adam treats his music CD’s like they’re gold, but he treats his computer poorly.  I treat my DVD’s poorly and my laptop like it’s gold. So, there’s tension.  I fear what would be found under the keys on his keyboard. He eats at his desk. His mouse is revolting and covered with hot sauce. Sometimes the wheel doesn’t move and you have to click a little harder.  I will eat while at my desk but WHAT we eat is different.

For example, yesterday upon my arrival home, I went to check my e-mail & there was something syrupy and sticky on my desk near the mouse. I called Adam in with my “wtf bitch tone” and asked what it was.  I got the blank stare. No words. Then I figured it out. I recently bought Blueberry Eggo Waffles.  “Is this syrup?” I gasped with disbelief. “Who eats waffles while online?”

Geez.

I’ve also been more aware this year that I really should hibernate during the month of February. It is awful and I have been miserable. Although our winter has been snow-free, it’s been all over the place.  Yesterday is was -11 with the wind chill.  Today it’s +15. The apartment is either too hot or too cold. I’m not dressed warm enough or I’m sweating like a cochon.  I’ve also recently got what I call an old lady affliction in that the second I step out into any type of breeze, my eyes water. Not just a bit, but tears run down my cheeks. 

This morning, I didn’t leave home in the dark.  It has started to get lighter earlier and stay lighter longer, which is great. It actually elevates my mood. But still, my funk remains. I try to stay positive, but some days, it just doesn’t cut it. Sure, there are people worse off than me, but at the moment when I feel like shit, it doesn’t help me with my day as I find myself thinking that there are also people better off than me.

Last Friday I had set my alarm earlier than normal as I was going to go to my parents straight from work.  I needed the extra time to pack a few things and get to work a bit earlier so I could leave bang on at 4:00pm.  For WHATEVER reason, it did NOT go off.  I woke up cause I was dreaming.  I don’t dream during the week. I only dream if I’m late and more often than not, I dream about being late. Well, I had enough time to brush my teeth, run my fingers through my hair, and run out the door.  The bus was coming so I ran to the stop.  I would have to come home from work before heading out to Mississauga. I added 3 hours of bus travel to my life. YAY.

While on the subway, I realized I had forgotten something at home I needed for work. I made a pro/con list in my head & decided I’d deal with the consequence and continue on to work.  When I got up to Finch Station to transfer from the subway to my bus, I stopped at Tim Hortons for my coffee as I always do.  When I got to the platform, I sat down on a bench to sort myself out, put away my hat, scarf & gloves and get out my mp3 player.  When I sat down, something felt wrong. It was too cold, just not right.  I reached down between my thighs and….my pants had ripped. The right leg, 2 inches below my ass, right across the back. I could feel the breeze. I felt like sliding off the bench and crawling under it in the fetal position for a good cry.  Instead, I walked with my back to the wall, got on the bus last and hoped I’d get to the office without my fellow commuters seeing my lady bits.

Thankfully I keep a long black cardigan at work. I wrapped it around my waist & no one knew of my extreme discomfort.  Seriously, this is honestly another case where my sense of humor has saved me.

I will continue to ride out this funk by escaping into books and films, classical music, buying 6/49 & Loto Max tickets with optimism, and appreciating my sense of humor. 

Funky Town.

I have sat here in front of this screen, cursor flashing,

with a million things in my mind that I'd like to write about but

just can't seem to organize my thoughts.

 I have some rather large life decisions to make.

I am overwhelmed.

My mind is too busy, I need to clear it, slow it down.

 Tomorrow, I will allocate 30 minutes

for free writing.

If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

Should be interesting.

Birds

I was covering for our Receptionist today at lunch in our main lobby.

I must've looked like a dog hearing an odd noise as 

I was walking around tilting my head from side to side trying to

determine where a sound was coming from.

It sounded like there were birds in the ceiling.

Like, in the ceiling, right under the ceiling tiles.

Then I looked out the front door.

They were all chirping at once & it

was really loud.

They're probably confused about the weather.

 

My Plan Went To Pot

Today, I had such good intentions and a To Do List.

Reality thus far is that I;

Woke up & got out of bed at 3:00pm

Went & got a pedicure.

The only thing I MUST accomplish tonight

is the dishes.

Tomorrow, we need to empty our storage locker & bring

everything up into the apartment as they're fixing

some pipes.

That will be physical work as or locker

is full up to the rim.

 Ugh.

Some Answers - Part I

Back on Dec 4'11, I posted an article from one of my 

favorite sites, Marc and Angel Hack Life:

95 Questions to Help You Find Meaning and Happiness

 I am going to start answering those questions.

1. In one sentence, who are you? 

I am a wife, a daughter, a mother to a Pug, and a work in progress.

2. Why do you matter?

For a while I really felt as though I didn't and on a global scale, I don't really. I do however realize that I am incredibly lucky knowing that I mean the world to one person and one person means the world to me.  I matter because Adam loves me.  I matter because I love Adam. I matter because my family loves me.  I matter because Crockett loves me. That's more than enough reasons.

3. What is your life motto?

I do not have a life motto.

4. What’s something you have that everyone wants?

Everyone wants different things.  The one thing I am most proud of is my marriage.

5. What is missing in your life?

Physical fitness and recreation.

6. What’s been on your mind most lately?

My health.  Having my Mom hurt herself and need to rely on people for things for a short period of time made me realize 2 things;  1. I need to be healthy so I can look after my loved ones if they need it. 2. I need to be healthy so my loved ones won't have to look after me. 

7. Happiness is a ________?

Choice.  

8. What stands between you and happiness?

Even though I suffer from Clinical Depression and can have awful dreadful days, I can still find happiness.  For me, happiness can be the sound of Adam laughing, Crockett barking in his sleep, a bright blue sky with bright white clouds, a phone call from my Mom, reading a good book or watching a favourite film.  It’s harder some days than others, but happiness can be found.

Book Three

I stopped at Indigo last night

on my way home & picked up

Book III of The Hunger Games Trilogy

"Mockingjay"

I'm on Chapter 5 and I'm going to

go to bed right now & keep reading.

The goal is to have it finished by Sunday evening.

I do have quite a few chores to do this weekend.

Good motivation to getting them done tomorrow as early as

possible so I'll have to do nothing but read.

Gotye - Easy Way Out

[Gotye - Easy Way Out music video]

Click on the above link & enjoy a creative video,

because I absolutely love Gotye.

His music inspires me.

He is a musician and an artist.

Source

Potpourri and a Tooting Pug

Not the smelly home decor fragrance delivery product, but

in reference to the category on Jeopardy.

Like hodgepodge.

That has been my mind as of late.

Full of this and that and this again and a little bit of that

sprinkled with some

wha?

huh?

hmpf.

 

Not really able to focus or concentrate on anything

unless it's a book to bury my nose in.

I wonder if this is what people on Meth feel like?

My mind is going so fast that it feels like everything 

else is in   s l o w  m o t i o n.

It is a peculiar feeling I must say.

I actually think it's because I'm busy.

Busy at work and at home.

It's a nice change but I feel like my

body is telling me to sleep for 24 hours solid.

I have many many tasks to do that I'm worrying about finishing.

I think the only way I'll get anything done

over the next few weeks is to make a To Do List with timelines.

I think I need to make a Honey Do List for Adam as well.

 

I do think it's time to start another book.

I need a good reason for some body at rest time.

I finished Book II of The Hunger Games Trilogy

Catching Fire and it's time to start Book III.

 

Lastly this evening, our poor Crockett has been

sneezing and tooting at the same time.

Poor little monkey is getting so spooked by it, he jumps

up and doesn't know what to do.

Note to self: Rice + Chicken = Pug toot fuel.

 

A Day Off

 Perfect day for a walk.

 I tied him up while I got a coffee.

I can see him the WHOLE time.

 So clear. Hey boss, can you see the plane?

 
It would have been nice to go down to the Ravine

but I don't think we'd have made it back up.

It is a lot steeper than it looks.

Pug NomNom Noises

A bit blurry, but Crockett fills my heart with joy none the less.