My Life Today for 2:40:00

Today for me was in the top 2 awful awful transit experiences.

It is times like this that I envy people of deep faith who

can look at bad situations as an opportunity for growth

or have the inner peace of knowing everything

that happens is part of God's plan.

Serious envy.

Today I was tested.

Every part of me that is kind, loving, accepting, empathetic,

joyful, optimistic, hopeful, calm, and tolerant was ripped from

my very being.

It took me 1 hour to travel exactly 3.5kms!

The entire journey home took 2 hours and 40 minutes.

I left work at 4:00pm

I walked in my door at 6:40pm

To try and put a visual to how I felt today, I went onto

Google to find a photo of an overcrowded bus in India.

How completely wonderful that I found this photo.

Source

The reason why it is perfect is because on my way home, my

bus goes to Finch Station.

The bus was so full I could taste

the person's breath who was standing next to me.

I almost got a girl's boob cleavage sweat dripped on me as she

reached over to ring the bell.

All I had to do was shake my head from side to side &

I could have motor boated her.

There was for sure a kid with a full poopy diaper

and a couple of SBD's were released by more than one person

throughout the journey.

Thank goodness for strawberry scented chapstick.

I hold it up to my nose to combat the many TTC odors.

Disgusting to read?

More disgusting to experience.

What took the cake was when I finally got

a seat for the last 15 minutes of my trip, a young

drug addict/dealer/hoodlum/menace-to-society

sat in the seat next to me.

He must have been high on speed.

He was hyper, loud, and his arms and

fists came within inches of my face multiple times.

As he and his friends talked about how much money they

make selling weed and how many baby mama's they

have, I had to do everything in my power

to relax my facial muscles to ensure no expression.

I turned up the volume on my mp3 player to

maximum & could still hear him clearly.

Gotye or Trisha Yearwood couldn't drown him out.

I am 100% serious when I say that it was

a situation where I feared if I gave any indication of

irritation, I'd have gotten shot in the face at close range.

I've never complained about this particular detail on my blog before

for fear that it can be interpreted as intolerance or racism.

I will write about it now with the disclaimer that it is not in

any way hateful, intolerant or racist.

It is geographical fact, my experience and how it has

effected me lately.

My bus to and from work goes through the Hood.

The worst neighbourhood in Toronto.

Gangs. Drugs. Crime.

Every weekend, someone gets shot.

It can be in the street waiting for a bus,

in an apartment building stairwell,

a neighbourhood convenience store or

even in a backyard during a party.

The commute over the last 2 days has me on the verge of

multiple anxiety/panic attacks.

I have to talk myself down.

What keeps me calm is knowing there is

no way I can risk getting off the bus in the Hood.

I know not everyone is bad.

I have seen enough bad on this route over the last 3 years to know

that there is enough bad that bad things happen to people

because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I thought that writing about this would be a release, but it has resulted in

my feeling very tense and agitated.

My options are limited.

I could try to find a new job closer to home, but isn't nuts to leave

a secure-as-it-can-be-job in this economy with Adam still out of work?

A car is not an option.

Moving closer to work is definitely not an option.

Maybe a Vespa next Spring?

Get fit enough over the winter to ride

my bike the 23kms each way?

This is why today,

every part of me that is kind, loving, accepting, empathetic,

joyful, optimistic, hopeful, calm, and tolerant was ripped from

my very being.

My coping mechanism?

Chocolate.

Since I have no chocolate I will

pop Harry Potter in the DVD player

and escape to Hogwarts.

On second thought, The Shire or Rivendell might be

the more relaxing choice.

I just might have to say a prayer

for the strength to cope

better than I have been as of late.

Unpleasant To Inevitable

Unpleasant.

I boarded the bus to come home at 4:10pm.

It was standing room only.

I got to Finch Station at 5:50pm.

It took me 1hr & 40 mins, in a full to

capacity bus to travel 12.2kms.

Why?

Who knows?

It was busy everywhere.

After taking the subway & another bus,

I got home at 6:25pm.

Inevitable.

The TV in our bedroom is dying.

I love my TV.

I bought it over 20 years ago from the American Express catalogue.

I turned it on last week and it made an odd sound.

It's happened before but went away.

Not this time.

My colors are messed up.

The top corners are green.

Here's a shot of the screen.

Yes, I am watching a Zach Efron film - 17 Again.

He's dreamy!

In all honestly, I love his best friend Ned.

Ned is awesome.

I am coming to terms with the fact that

my TV is on death's doorstep.

Lost In My Head, If Just For A Moment (some profanity)

I take the subway & a bus to work on one of the busiest routes in Toronto.

I take if from the station to almost the last stop.

This afternoon as I boarded on my way home, there were

about 10 - 15 people on the bus.

All commuters on their way home after a long day at the salt mines.

It stays relatively quiet until we hit a major intersection.

That's when the high school kids and girls/women with baby carriages board.

By this first major stop today, I was already well into my book, lost in the

characters, completely engaged and almost oblivious to

what is going on around me.

I like it that way.

Sometimes it is more difficult to block out the noise, so on a day

like today, when it feels like I am in a quiet corner and I'm able to

block out the world, I enjoy it.

45 minutes into my 90 minute journey, I was pulled from the page by an 

awful stench of 2 middle aged white men with leathery faces that were an

equal combination of sun overexposure and dirt.

Their cologne of choice; stale tobacco and alcohol.

They also had the drunk white guy loud voices.

I put my hand up under my hair and stuck my finger in my right ear.

It took the jarring edge off the volume of their conversation

that comprised of the word fuck, alot.

The atmosphere of the bus was altered by these men.

People unconciously moved away from them.

I felt bags touching my shoulder, hips bumping into me

as people tried to get away.

Sour expressions on faces as a result of the

vocabulary being used.

Judgement.

Alot of judgement.

I tried to refocus but I couldn't.

I don't function well with noise and once my bubble

was burst, there was no going back.

Finally, the 2 fucken dudes got off the bus.

That's when I noticed her.

Standing with her left profile to me

holding onto the bar of the seat in front of me.

She was so beautiful, I caught myself staring.

I think she was Persian.

Maybe 30.

5'7"

150 lbs.

Healthy, curvy, beautiful skin, modestly dressed in a t-shirt, black cardigan

dark navy blue jeans and black sandals.

Her lipstick, fingernails and toenails all matched in a shimmery

shade of raspberry.

Shoulder length dark brown shiny hair and

enough makeup to accentuate her beauty, not cover it or alter it.

She wasn't listening to an ipod or reading a magazine.

She was just standing there, waiting for the bus to get to its destination.

There was a young East Asian girl sitting near me that was obviously taken

with this person as I was.  It was odd. It was like we were mesmerized.

In my life, I've seen only a few physically beautiful people.

She was one.

I decided to close my eyes for the last 20 minutes of my journey and just listen.

Cell phone ring tones; Cricketts & Dont Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin.

Languages: English, Chinese, Polish, Tagalog and a few others I couldn't discern.

Laughter, gossip and some snoring.

We pulled into the station and it was busier than normal.

I arrived 30 minutes later than usual due to the rain.

Going down the elevator to the subway level, it looked like an ant farm.

Hundreds of people who looked like dots going in every which direction.

All with a purpose, all with a destination.

I got home and realized today that as much as I hate,

and I do HATE that my commute is so long, I do

have alot of adventures on public transit

that I would otherwise not have.

I'll take the good with the bad.

Now, if I win the Loto Max this weekend, I will gladly pass up those

adventures and I'd be like the 2 drunks on the bus.......

I'd say "fuck all y'all" and I'd go off and have

different kinds of adventures!

My Bane

I've said before that one of the negatives of my job is my commute.

I take both a Bus (36) and Subway (Lawrence-Finch)
to and from work.

Based on Google Maps it is 20.6 kms from home;

By car - 22 minutes.

By public transit - not taking schedules into account -  1 hour 6 minutes.

Since last Friday, my commute home has been most painful.

I finish work at 4:00pm.

Friday:
Car accident bus rerouted - construction delay - home at 6:45pm.

Monday:
Construction delay - short turned - home at 6:30pm.

Tuesday:
Construction delay - subway shut down for 1 hour - home at 6:45pm.

Today:
Construction delay - short turned - home at 6:00pm.

That is 10 hours.
My time is valuable and there are so many

other ways I'd like to spend 10 hours.

As it's the way home, I'm too tired to read for more than 30 minutes.

I don't like loud music through headphones, but I should

go to the Library and try books on tape/cd.
That might work.