Today for me was in the top 2 awful awful transit experiences.
It is times like this that I envy people of deep faith who
can look at bad situations as an opportunity for growth
or have the inner peace of knowing everything
that happens is part of God's plan.
Serious envy.
Today I was tested.
Every part of me that is kind, loving, accepting, empathetic,
joyful, optimistic, hopeful, calm, and tolerant was ripped from
my very being.
It took me 1 hour to travel exactly 3.5kms!
The entire journey home took 2 hours and 40 minutes.
I left work at 4:00pm
I walked in my door at 6:40pm
To try and put a visual to how I felt today, I went onto
Google to find a photo of an overcrowded bus in India.
How completely wonderful that I found this photo.
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| Source |
The reason why it is perfect is because on my way home, my
bus goes to Finch Station.
The bus was so full I could taste
the person's breath who was standing next to me.
I almost got a girl's boob cleavage sweat dripped on me as she
reached over to ring the bell.
All I had to do was shake my head from side to side &
I could have motor boated her.
There was for sure a kid with a full poopy diaper
and a couple of SBD's were released by more than one person
throughout the journey.
Thank goodness for strawberry scented chapstick.
I hold it up to my nose to combat the many TTC odors.
Disgusting to read?
More disgusting to experience.
What took the cake was when I finally got
a seat for the last 15 minutes of my trip, a young
drug addict/dealer/hoodlum/menace-to-society
sat in the seat next to me.
He must have been high on speed.
He was hyper, loud, and his arms and
fists came within inches of my face multiple times.
As he and his friends talked about how much money they
make selling weed and how many baby mama's they
have, I had to do everything in my power
to relax my facial muscles to ensure no expression.
I turned up the volume on my mp3 player to
maximum & could still hear him clearly.
Gotye or Trisha Yearwood couldn't drown him out.
I am 100% serious when I say that it was
a situation where I feared if I gave any indication of
irritation, I'd have gotten shot in the face at close range.
I've never complained about this particular detail on my blog before
for fear that it can be interpreted as intolerance or racism.
I will write about it now with the disclaimer that it is not in
any way hateful, intolerant or racist.
It is geographical fact, my experience and how it has
effected me lately.
My bus to and from work goes through the Hood.
The worst neighbourhood in Toronto.
Gangs. Drugs. Crime.
Every weekend, someone gets shot.
It can be in the street waiting for a bus,
in an apartment building stairwell,
a neighbourhood convenience store or
even in a backyard during a party.
The commute over the last 2 days has me on the verge of
multiple anxiety/panic attacks.
I have to talk myself down.
What keeps me calm is knowing there is
no way I can risk getting off the bus in the Hood.
I know not everyone is bad.
I have seen enough bad on this route over the last 3 years to know
that there is enough bad that bad things happen to people
because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I thought that writing about this would be a release, but it has resulted in
my feeling very tense and agitated.
My options are limited.
I could try to find a new job closer to home, but isn't nuts to leave
a secure-as-it-can-be-job in this economy with Adam still out of work?
A car is not an option.
Moving closer to work is definitely not an option.
Maybe a Vespa next Spring?
Get fit enough over the winter to ride
my bike the 23kms each way?
This is why today,
every part of me that is kind, loving, accepting, empathetic,
joyful, optimistic, hopeful, calm, and tolerant was ripped from
my very being.
My coping mechanism?
Chocolate.
Since I have no chocolate I will
pop Harry Potter in the DVD player
and escape to Hogwarts.
On second thought, The Shire or Rivendell might be
the more relaxing choice.
I just might have to say a prayer
for the strength to cope
better than I have been as of late.
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