Hypochondriac?

Every once in a while, if I'd get home early enough from work, I'd relax

on the couch & catch a bit of The Dr. Oz Show.

After watching a few episodes, I determined that watching him was in fact,

a hazard to my health. My mental health anyway.

hy·po·chon·dri·ac

An excessive preoccupation with and worry about one's health.

wor·ry

To torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.

Is there a difference between a hypochondriac and someone that just worries too damn much?

How does worry & stress effect ones body?

I'm only hypochondriac-like when it comes

to my heart and it's all because of Dr. Oz.

It seems like every ache or pain on my upper left side be it in my back, my

neck, my arm, etc is a sign & symptom, according to Dr. Oz,

of a cardiac episode/issue/disease of some kind.

As a woman, with a full to-do list, I don't have time for illness.

Sometimes, when I don't feel well, I over-think, panic, and get myself so worked up

to the point where an anxiety attack is imminent.

I feel all the blood leave my extremities, my neck gets tight 

and I'm sure I'm seconds away from full cardiac arrest.

The odd thing, the really odd thing is sometimes, I completely

block out the aches and pains.

Then, the moment I am still , it's like my brain dam has been opened

and I can no longer ignore the way I feel, it again starts again.....

I over-think, panic, and get myself so worked up

to the point where an anxiety attack is imminent.
I feel all the blood leave my extremities, my neck gets tight 

and I'm sure I'm seconds away from full cardiac arrest.

So here are some facts:

We need a new bed.

I sleep on my left side & don't move alot while asleep.

I have bad posture.

I eat way too fast.

My desk at work is not ergonomic at all & I sit crooked all day.

I don't have enough core strength.

Arthritis is prominent on my maternal side.

These all could very well contribute to my aches & pains.

My left shoulder blade hurts.

My left shoulder socket is sore.

Skip this next bit if you find boob talk offensive, on occasion, my left boob aches.

I'm always tired and lack energy.

I suffer with depression & those commercials on TV are right....sometimes with

depression, everything just aches & you feel like, pardon my french, shit.

Also, I do have Sarcoidosis which, if my immune system is low, causes

inflammation of my lymph nodes by my heart and lungs so that can cause

pressure in my chest.

Here's the internal conversation;

Do I book an appt with the MD, take time off work, get sent for other tests that

will require more time off work only to be told 3 months from now that I'm fine, it's stress,

I need to find a way to relax.

-or-

Do I do nothing, wait until I have my annual physical (which is already booked for

Sept 27'11) and hope that I don't drop dead in the meantime from a cardiac

episode/issue/disease of some kind.

So, it is hypochondria?

Is it chronic worry?

I think, no, I know that what would ease my mind a bit.

I'd like to wake up in a villa by the ocean with clear water

and white sand where I could lounge on a chair in a sunny breeze,

dip my feet in the ocean, read a good book, and watch the sunset

with my beloved by my side. That would be so nice.

In lieu of our tropical paradise vacation, I just really need to find somewhere quiet.

I'd like to meditate but it's just not quiet enough here in my

little space in the world.