I Need To Help Myself!

It's like I am an addict and I have fallen off the wagon.

It all started 2 weeks ago with Girl Guide Cookies.

If I'd kept a food journal of the past 14 days, it would look

like a teenager away from home for the first time who spent all

their allowance on junk and food of convenience.

I don't understand it.

I am an intelligent person.
I possess common sense.

I know what I should eat.

I know I should exercise.

I know I am an emotional eater.

I know a bag of chips is not a balanced meal.

I eat when I'm happy, to celebrate.

I eat when I'm sad, to medicate.

I eat when I'm stressed, to relax.

I eat when I'm bored, to do something.

I also eat too fast.

Life for the past 18 months or so has been a lesson in stress management.
The result is I have more often than not felt like crap and I have not looked
after myself as much as I should.

I'm exhausted, I'm preoccupied, I'm blue.

I never used to eat breakfast, unless you call

a large double double breakfast.

I only occasionally ate lunch.

Around 2:00pm, I would crash.

I'd get the shakes, not be able to concentrate, I'd

become irritable and frequently in a foul mood.

One of the reasons I left my previous job was because

of the lack of consistency in my schedule and

the inability to create a routine I could stick to.

I wanted 8am-4pm Mon-Fri with some structure

and consistency in my schedule to, pardon my french,

get my shit together and start looking after myself.

It'll have been 3 years this June.

I've made some changes.

Am I where I thought I'd be, where I hoped I'd be? No.
What's the saying?
The road to Hell is paved in good intentions!

I do eat breakfast now everyday.

In the winter it's oatmeal.

In the summer it's fruit salad.

Weekends sometimes there is brunch instead of breakfast.

I eat a proper lunch at work 4 out of 5 days.

But, I do eat at my desk which I know is not good.

On days I don't eat, it's due to my not watching the clock

and being absorbed in the task at hand.

When I realize I'm hungry, it's 3:00pm.

Dinner has been my bane as of late.

By the time I get home after the long commute, I'm too tired

to stand over the stove and try to decide what to eat.

Adam has been doing his own thing lately, which is awesome.

He is in his zone and preparing his own meals.

He is eating dinner at a reasonable hour, whereas

I walk in the door sometimes at 6:15pm.

Eating dinner at 8pm and laying my head down to sleep at

11pm leaves me feeling nauseous, heavy and lethargic.

Weekends will be less rigid, but within the
parameters of healthy eating.

Tonight, my dinner has been half a bowl of
milky Steel Cut Oats.

I said to Adam on Tuesday that I really need help.
After saying it out loud, it is true, but I realize I need to help myself.

The bottom line and the most important factor
right now is to drop some weight.
The benefit of losing just 10% makes it
only make MORE sense!

I know myself.
I know I need structure, consistency.
I am fine, actually better, when I know exactly what's what.
I want to create a meal plan were I will eat the exact same
thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner every Monday to Friday.
It must be healthy, balanced, tasty, and something that I can
partially prepare in advance if need be.

Spring is a time for renewal.
The weather is on my side.
I can walk more.
I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
It's hard knowing that I'm not taking care of myself as
I know I should and the result is feeling sick and tired.

I quit smoking on my 35th birthday, cold turkey.
Just like that. I never looked back.
It's been 6 1/2 years!
It was tough. I had a headache for 2 weeks straight, but I did it.

Thursday April 21, 2011 I'm quitting something else
cold turkey that is bad for my health.
Diet Coke.
Yes, I said it.
If I want a soda, I'll have Club Soda
or on occasion as a treat, a Coca Cola Classic.
I have to get away from the aspartame.

There, so be it!