What Is It All About?

That is the question that keeps on repeating itself

when my mind is quiet.

What is it all about?

There have been struggles, worries, stresses.

It's been difficult with Adam not working, but we get by.

Those months with the extra paycheck give us a date night,

a dinner out, an opportunity to feel normal.

Buy the fancy mustard and cheese ;)

I've started equating everything with how many hours

I had to work to acquire it.

My Dad has done this for years and I am sure he will be happy

to find out that it's finally rubbed off on me.

By the current economic measurements, I don't know what we'd be

categorized as; Middle Class? Lower Class? Working Poor?

I don't read The Globe and Mail or The Economist.

I should, but it causes me to worry.

I'm not ignorant, right now, I'm fragile.

I watched a Documentary about a group of

Volunteers who went into a remote - hike access only - village

in Haiti to provide medical care and Cholera medication.

I spent the whole hour with tears streaming down my face,

emotions ranging from sadness to guilt to anger.

What contribution do I make?  How am I making the

world a better place?

We recycle.

We use public transit.

We have a small carbon footprint.

What gives me right to whine about anything?

I have a roof over my head.

I have clean accessible free water.

I have boots that keep my feet dry.

Clothes that keep me warm.

I flick a switch and a light comes on.

Another switch and I can cook a meal.

I only have to walk 1 block and within 20 minutes any time of the day

a bus or subway will pick me up and take me where ever I need to go in the GTA.

My husband requires daily medication and

we get it just by making a phone call and a quick trip up to the pharmacy.

I live in a city with over 20 Hospitals.

PERSPECTIVE.

I have never been one to buy things.

Adam has accused me of not knowing how to spend money.

By that, he means if I won 1 Million Dollars, I would still

buy practical items. Things we need. Not extravagances.

It's true.

We have what we need.

Nothing too fancy or flash.

I'd rather buy 1 quality item than have a lot of cheap items.

For instance, why buy a matching couch, love seat, chair and ottoman

for $799 that are pieces of crap when you

can spend the same amount on one well made couch that will

last forever?  We don't need seating for 12 in our apartment.

There are so many things that are backwards.

Why is it every commercial, magazine, bill board

is telling me that I need to spend money I don't have on crap I don't need?

No money down, 0% financing, don't pay 'til 2015.

If someone in a time machine came here from only as far back as the late 60's, early 70's

we'd be fancy as we have a TV in our bedroom AND our living room.

We are not wealthy by any means. Nowhere near it, but I feel we are rich.

But I digress.

I am doing what loads of Canadians do every day.

I get up, go to work, come home, sleep.

I get up, go to work, come home, sleep.

I get up, go to work, come home, sleep.

I get up, go to work, come home, sleep.

I get up, go to work, come home, sleep.

Then for 2 days I get to do what I want, when I want

and get in some grocery shopping and laundry.

How lucky am I?

What is it all about?

It wouldn't be worth it without the people I have in my life.

My loving Adam.

and of course Crockett

My parents.

Those I consider family.

Friends.

Along with the struggle, worry and stress, I have

love, joy, peace, laughter and gratitude.

I honestly need to find a way to remind myself of this.

It's easy to feel blue. It's easy to feel boohoo, poor me.

It's ok to feel these things.

To know when it's good, you need to be able to compare it to the bad.

Gayle wrote me that Wendy says, "Negativity attracts itself twofold."

This is also a good thing to remember.