My Dad Is 80 & My Mom Is Little.

HAPPY 80th BIRTHDAY DAD!

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I was going through a box in my cupboard

this evening looking for a specific piece of paper

when I came upon an envelope full of photos.

I must have had them pulled out of my regular

box where I keep everything to scan them.

I'm glad I found them because I'd hate it if I

lost them.

My favorite from the lot;

My Mom when she was a little girl in England.

I took a photo of the photo and

have put it in a safe place until I get around

to scanning it.

I love her dress & hat.

Pug Hill

With the stress I was feeling last week, I

escaped reality as much as possible in the book,

Pug Hill by Alison Pace.

My Mom got it for us for Christmas just

because it is about Pugs.

It is an easy read and feels almost like

I'm reading a letter from a girlfriend.

I also love there is a Pug named Kermit in the book.

Great name for a Pug.

I'm generally a slow reader.

I find if I read too fast I get through a few pages

and then realize I have no idea what I just read, 

so I take my time and relax.

I hope to be finished the book by mid-week

and I really hope my stress level this week is

nothing like last week.

I'm trying to decide my next read.

Little Women or Wuthering Heights

Online Diagnosis

I have not felt at all well this week.

When I am stressed I get anxious.

Being anxious causes stress.

I am stressed, anxious and incredibly tired.

Awesome trifecta is it not?

I have been sharing my stress with it's regular home in my 

stomach, with my chest and shoulders.

I go from having a sore shoulder, to a sore back, to

a heavy chest, a tight neck and a light head.

Add worry to that & I can become a mess really fast.

I even had sympathy pains this morning

for my Mom in my left knee as I was walking to the subway.

I think I either have a doozy of a chest cold

on the way or my Sarcoidosis is flaring up.

Walking with purpose exhausts me

and stairs, ugh, stairs.

I am doing everything to stay away from Web MD

as undoubtedly, if I looked up my symptoms, I'd

make a beeline for the nearest ER.

I'm So Tired

I have so much to write about.

I have so much going on in my mind,

so many thoughts and feelings I want

to document.

The problem is, I'm tired.

All the time.

If I sit, I fall asleep.

It's 9:41pm and I'm in my jammies.

I just hope I can make sense all of the notes

I've written on all the Tim Horton's

napkins in my bag.

I took a few extra to ensure I

don't lose any gems.

She's A Lady

There are females that are "women" and there

are females that are "ladies".

My Mother, for many reasons, is a lady.

On Friday, she fell and broke her Patella (kneecap).

On Saturday, after a very uncomfortable

and exhausting evening, she had to deal with

my arrival in the morning and my barrage of 

questions and examination.

Even with all the pain and fatigue, she put herself together,

lipstick and all, in preparation of the arrival of my brother

and his family after lunch.

My Mom didn't want to upset her 2 grand daughters

by looking ill or out-of-sorts.

This photo reflects that.

 

 

She participated in the game "kitchen".

She put invisible milk and sugar into her

teacup of invisible tea and enjoyed

a plastic waffle with some lemon soup while

my brother put away some groceries he picked up.

So nice for my parents to have one less thing to 

think about for a few days.

Early Sunday morning we went to the

Fracture clinic and the rest of the day we

tried to figure out the easiest and most

comfortable ways for her to do basic things

that we take for granted every day.

I came home this evening to go back to work tomorrow

although, I really would rather be there with her.

She sustained quite a few secondary injuries and nasty

bruises as a result of this fall that will add to her

discomfort & it kills me.

She has to keep the cumbersome leg brace on for

minimally 6 weeks.

I've told my Mom she needs to relax & take it easy

but never in a bagazillion years is this the way anyone

should be forced to sit down.

When I got home tonight, I let Adam know that for the unforeseeable

future, he is a weekend bachelor and although

I know he feels awful for my Mom & what she's going

through, the thought of weekend bachelorhood

prompted a small "woo hoo" from him.

Patella, Y U Break?

My plan was to meet my Mom & Dad for breakfast

on Sunday as it's my Dad's 80th BDay on the 31st

and they were going to be out of town.

Plans have changed.

Mom fell yesterday at work and has

broken her Patella!

That's fancy talk for her knee cap.

The ONLY good thing is that my Mom works

at a Hospital so help was close at hand.

My Mom is so active that one day sitting in

a chair and needing crutches, along with the pain

she is feeling has made her an uncomfortable,

frustrated and rightfully unhappy lady.

She put on a brave face & smiled.

I love you Mom.

I'll take care of you.

Gone. Never Forgotten.

A Really Good Read

I am reading the book The Hunger Games

by Suzanne Collins.

Source

I am really enjoying it.

It has made my commute home almost enjoyable.

One thing I don't have at home is a good reading chair.

The Starbucks down the street have this really comfortable

leather chair that is perfect.

Knees bend at 90 degrees, feet touch the floor,

good back support.

I could read in that chair all day.

I also like sitting on the floor in a corner or nook

to read the way I did in the library when I was a kid.

I'll put this kick ass chair reading from

Restoration Hardware on my wish list.

They even have faux fur bean bag chairs!

On a separate note, it was absolutely perfect

outside when I got home so I took Crockett for a walk.

He hasn't been too good the last few days.

The Pug reverse sneeze thing creeps me out

and causes me great anxiety.

Today, he seemed happy and eager to go outside

so I let him lead the way.

The snow in the park was perfect.

Heavy, perfect snowball snow, great to walk on.

I took a few photos but only 2 turned out

half decent and not completely blurry. (Effing camera!)

I put one on my 365 Photo and here is the other one.

There was a snow angel and I was hoping Crockett would

walk into the frame.

When he did I was so happy only, as the flash went

off, I noticed he had a turtle head poking out!!!

Rather than trash the photo, I've

covered it with a heart! 

It's Heeeeeere

My winter funk has arrived.

I was able to hold her off a bit longer this year

and was hoping she'd take a break, but, it's not to be.

I can understand that some people who have never suffered 

with depression or anxiety just don't get it.

People like to fix people.

I wish it were that simple.

Some people don't understand that there is a difference

between having a bad day, perhaps feeling a little blue

and clinical depression.

The way I cope with it is by hibernating.

If I had a choice, I would work 12 hour days

from April 1st to Oct 31st and from

Nov 1st to Mar 31st I would

not leave the house.

That would be optimal.

Imagine, as hard as you try or as hard as you

want it to not be this way, you have to deal with

more than one of these symptoms, daily;

Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
Decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling “slowed down”
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Restlessness or irritability

I will get through anther funk.  

I will lose myself in lots of laughter 

and cuddling with Adam, family,

good books, films, art, nature, music, 

and of course, Pugs.

Marie Bracquemond - Melancholy

Weary

All this week, I've come home from work 

weary and completely mentally exhausted.

My boss goes through these phases of micromanagement.

I haven't been able to determine the trigger, if it is based

on something I've done, her personal life,
or something going on at the office.

Either way, it is, besides my commute, the only negative

aspect of my job.

Thank goodness it's not like this daily or my

head just might explode.

As much as I feel I have a good rant in me, tonight just

isn't the night to get myself worked up and irritated.

I'm trying with all I have in me to stay positive.

All week I've fantasized during the days about coming home, 

getting into my flannel jammies, and getting cocooned 

up in a blanket and falling asleep.

Instead, I come home, laze about and get trapped

staring at this screen.

I'm not doing anything important or valuable,

I'm trying to turn off my brain by watching

countless FAIL videos on YouTube.

I don't know what it is about people falling over

or off of things that get to my funny bone.

I have to note that it's only funny to me if they

are doing something stupid & deserve what they get.

I do not like seeing people getting set up to hurt themselves

and I certainly don't like seeing seniors fall.

I admit, I am a Johnny Knoxville/ Jackass fan.

Go figure.

As I look down to the bottom right of this screen as I type,

it is 9:49pm.

My goal is to be asleep by 10:30pm.